Would you marry anyone from a different tribe? Yes? No? Maybe? Or you are thinking, whose evening asking that in this time and age. Yes, I’m asking. It’s a big deal. If you are still reading then you kind of agree with me.
I have had this argument with several of my girlfriends and my mom. I didn’t argue with my mom though, I brought up the topic and she out right agreed with me.
Well, I’m no pure breed myself. Now you wondering how did I become so tribal myself. For a half cast I should be campaigning for inter marriage of course. But I’m not. I stick to what I know, and that’s definitely not my mom’s culture. I know almost nothing about them, and the few things I know gives me a maybe. So maybe I will consider. The rest of the 41 tribes, no thank you.
I know how tribal I sound right now. Forgive me for that. But, there’s no other way. It’s not dating we are talking about or partnership or something light. This is MARRIAGE. It’s supposed to be forever, I’m using the word supposed lightly since divorces are trendy this days. But, I want my first marriage to be my only marriage.
I don’t want to argue with my husband about food. Like how we prepare food in my homeland is definitely different from your homeland. Food is forever. Someone we share the same culture would be 50% ideal. We can eat ugali and mursik daily without oppressing anyone.
Then there’s this thing of social interactions. How to behave in social places and how boys and girls should associate There’s a clearly defined roles for men and women. There is even a handbook for successful marriage somewhere. It’s unwritten though. He is the head and I’m the neck. My job is to support him. He leads, I follow. The end.
I also don’t want a circus for my engagement. For us it’s simple, he shoes up with wazee to ask my hand in marriage. A friendship has began. They set a later date in future and they bring dowry. They should also come bearing gifts, nothing complicated. A few lessos for my aunties and oil. My family is supposed to prepare some mursik and cater for the party. The wedding is up-to them. Clear and simple.
In case I’m pregnant or have kids prior all this, then they will pay fine. In case my dad didn’t pay dowry for mom, then they are not going to pay anything. End of story. And our dowry they don’t start counting from the first nappy my parents bought. No, just three and a half cows. It’s an appreciation not buying and selling of goods kind of circus. Have witness pretty dramatic pre weddings from different cultures.
Here is another thing, divorces are as minimal as none where I come from. He can marry someone else if he wants. But our union is forever. We are bound forever by the oath. Ask anyone from where I come from. If things are not working out, my husband will send me to shagz to take care of things and as a goof wife I will oblige. Conflict solved. It’s not a game of power. Until he see fit when to join me.
And many other reasons. Why would I want to start getting to know someone and also learn his way of life? That’s frustrating. I would rather stick to only one frustration, getting to know him. Of course there will be compromises on the way, but it won’t be about culture now, would it be? Maybe I will learn how to stay with the toilet seat up or I will just be closing after him. Compromises!
And many other reasons like sticking to what I know. Why would I want to start getting to know someone and also learn his culture? That’s frustrating. I would rather stick to only one frustration, getting to know him. Of course there will be compromises on the way, but it won’t be about culture now, would it?be? Maybe I will learn how to stay with the toilet seat up or I will just be closing the toilet seat after him. Compromises!
My mother is definitely right. Don’t you think? Because mommy is always right.