To The Boy Who Says He Loves Me, I’m Not The One For You

“To Love me is the most dangerous dream to hope for. ”

We have been friends for few years now. I can count with my fingers the number of times we hanged out. Let’s be honest, it was awesome. You are smart, intelligent and handsome. You know how to argue and you really can hold a conversation. Plus you sarcasm game is so on point. You are awesome.

You once said, “if I ever fall in love, I will do everything to make her happy. ” and all I said was, “that’s deep. ” If I would have said more than that I would have ruined that moment. I kind of envied her and I hoped to heavens to never be her.

I’m not the one for you. You deserve someone who could drop everything to make you happy just like you do for everyone around you. I’m not girl, I’m selfish and I like having my way just for kicks. its either my way or the highway. I’m not considerate. I’m in a different level of selfish. I’m not capable to give you the love you deserve.

I’m not capable of love. Not even if I try. It has nothing to do with you. I cannot love anyone but me. I know this is true because I’m in my early twenties and I never dreamed of having babies. Look around me, girls my age are making families and nurturing babies. And all this things ain’t in my mind, not even in my dreams. You deserve someone who can love you and love you for real.

I’m heavily flawed. I know what’s wrong with me anyway. And I’m not dealing. I like the darkness and everything in between. And I don’t need saving. I like romanticizing the idea of someone saving me but in reality I don’t wanna be saved. You deserve a girl you don’t have to save to love you and if she needs saving, she will be willing to hold your hand.

I cannot give back the love you are willing to give. But I can pray you find someone who can do. Someone who can sacrifice for you like I know you will for her. Someone who can even want to have your babies. Someone who can call mine. Someone you can’t share with anyone or anything. I’m not half that girl and this is how I know I’m not the one for you.

I’m willing you to love another. Find love, happiness, a family everything in between. And this Easter I will go on my knees and pray to heavens to bring you the girl you deserve. The one for you. I’m not the that girl.

Inspired by stray cats.

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