I have been looking for an escape for a while now. I don’t know how my home, safe place and Haven turned into a prison, a place I want to get away from. Maybe I should slam the door and just leave. I don’t hold well with goodbyes. Sometimes I wish you could have cheated, leaving you wouldn’t have been so hard.
We have been together for a few years now. Every morning it’s your face that says hello and you are the last person I see before escaping to my dreamland. I fall asleep on the same arms every other night, I’m not complaining because once these arms were home. Now it’s just another prison I need to escape from. We are comfortable and boring.
I hate it that everything you do for me, every favor, every small gesture feels like duty. It’s like you have to take care of me. You don’t do anything because you want, you do because you are expected. It’s what happens when two become one. Everything seems like duty and routine, where did our free will to do whatever we wanted go? I can’t go out with my girls anymore without planning it for weeks and fitting it in your schedule. You can’t stay out late with your boys because you think I will be lonely or you promised to bring us dinner or whatever. It’s so suffocating here! Don’t you feel like you stopped breathing when we became one? Or it’s just me?
We are so comfortable and it feels like settling. I will take sorry Rather than settling. I would rather regret leaving you than never finding out what’s out there for me. We have become everything we said we will never be, now we are made of routine, duty and compromises.
I will just pack my bags and leave. My girlfriends think you are great and that I will definetly regret . They think I should try harder, probably stay and spice things. Maybe give us a second chance, but that will just delay my freedom. I know this is as good as it gets. My friends think I will regret this but I will take the regret over what we have. Lin said she could give anything to find someone who could look at her like you do me. I told her to be careful what she wishes for because she just might find it. I found you, and I used to wish for that. Now I wanna escape the one thing I always wanted. Everything we have is great but it’s too comfortable for a girl who keeps wanting more.
I don’t know how to tell you, the option of slamming the door and just leaving sounds so good. I wouldn’t have to deal with ‘baby maybe we should try harder’ or something like that. You always know the right things to say, things that melts my heart and makes me wanna kiss you. You will probably give me a forehead kiss and let me know that’s it’s gonna be okay. I can’t deal with that. So I will just leave a note on the pillow.
“I’m sorry. I have to go. PS. I will miss how you said my name. “
Just another rumble.