Maybe I Don’t Get To Stop Missing You

My heart beats for you, now and forever”


I’m starting to think that I will never stop missing you.
You had me at hello, and the rhythm of my heart started singing your name ever since then.
The tectonic plates of what’s made of me shifted and formed an island in my heart with your name on it.
You my dear is and was my definite infinity. I knew we didn’t have a chance, I was a hurricane and you were a soft wind breeze. Together we wouldn’t have survived, I was meant to destroy and you were meant to carass and heal.

My lungs breathed your pure breath out yet. 
My mouth still remembers the taste of your lips.
My heart breaks for you.
My skin aches for your touch.

The theory of getting under someone to get over someone backfired right on my face. My body literally rejects anyone who wants to get under. It feels strange to feel another body next to me that’s not you. It irks me waking up to another face that’s not yours.

I can’t have you now, my breeze. You are already gone to be with your forever and not the hurricane. Our time together had an expiration date, even though we both knew these,  that didn’t prevent me from falling in love with you. And maybe that’s why I will always miss you.

If we ever meet again, 10 years from now, maybe.  I don’t know what I will tell you. But I will probably have a lot to say.

I will tell you I conquered my demons.
I will tell you I slayed my demons.
I will tell you about the experience of climbing Mount Kenya and how the view from above is better than both our imaginations combined.

I will tell you how I met my some one and that I’m happy. I will tell you about my beautiful daughter who has my eyes just like you always imagined she will. I will tell you about my husband who loves me more than anything.

I will fill you up with the events of ten years that you missed. And you will remove your Wallet and show me the pictures of your new found sunshine. It will definetly be a passport photo of your kids and beautiful wife. You always carried a face of whoever you care deeply about in your Wallet.

Before leaving I will tell you, despite everything my heart still has that tiny island with your name on it. And that you were the inspiration behind one of my books. The book title will probably be “Just us or The Boy I Never Stopped Missing” or one of your favorite lines that’s hidden somewhere in a tiny box under my bed with your name on it.

Ten years from now we will see. We will see how much we both changed.

You will always be the boy behind my writing and the breeze that was never meant to stay. The boy I will always miss. My favorite hello and painful goodbye.

Just another rumble.


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