Dear Future Husband Please Don’t Walk By

I’m off dating for now my love. It has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with me.
Maybe it’s because I’m a victim of circumstances or all this is just in my head.
Maybe it’s because right now I have dreams to chase and a life to build.
Maybe it’s because I met someone I liked a lil too much and they left me.
Maybe it’s because I’m just in my early twenties.
Or it’s because I’m trying to figure things out.
There are a lot of excuses I could give. I could do this all day and night. Tell you why I ain’t committing. But bottom line is I’m not ready.

A lot of things are happening in my life. Its all jumbled up inside my head. My life is a mess and I’m a beautiful mess.  Nothing I can offer Right now but all this bits and pieces of my life. I have nothing solid to offer, not even dreams.

I could give you my heart, but I gave it away sometime back, at least the good parts of it. I’m too ashamed to offer what’s left of it. It’s not fair, you deserve a whole heart, not bits and pieces of what’s left of it.

I could give you my life but there’s nothing to give other than the beating heart and a life line that keeps me going. Is that all you want from your wife?

I could give you love but I’m a terrible lover. I don’t think I even know how to give love, receiving love? That’s even worse. I could love you here and there, especially when our blood is turned into alcohol and we are a little lonely and we both the cheapest option. But that’s all the love you getting. In the morning I will be sober and I won’t even want a handshake.

Basically, stay stuck wherever you are. Right now I’m sworn off relationships. If you walk by, I don’t think I can handle one more right person but wrong timing.
I don’t think I can survive one more broken anything, be it hearts or promises or whatever.
I’m not in a good place.
I guess that’s reason enough for you to delay.
For the sake of us both, stay away a little longer.

From Riri

Just another rumble.

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