How are you? Are you happy? I hope you are Happy, like they tell me you are. I hope she does things for you that I couldn’t do, like cook for example. I hope she does your bidding and makes you feel like a man. I really hope she ain’t half insecure like I was. I hope you are happy, I really do. And I hope leaving me was for the best.
So you don’t pick my calls. Is she the reason? I would like to think of it like a personal decision. Like, you don’t pick my calls because you don’t want to. But baby, why do you call me in the middle of the night? Or is it because you are lonely and she is asleep? You leave me twisted. You also making it so hard for me to move on. Every time you call (not like I’m ever awake to pick up)when I get your missed called, it drags me back to square one. How can I move on, if you won’t let me? You have moved on already. I think I deserve that too, we all do. I suppose.
Sometimes, the calls and texts and blocking me in social media makes me question your happiness and choices. Was it worth it leaving me? Was it for the best? Sporadic as those instances are, the times that you contact my sorry ass make me question your choice for walking away. You blocked me in Facebook, that was okay baby. Any sane person would have done. I have nothing against that, but was it worth it? I don’t understand, because, you still contact me. I thought that was suppose to our Good-bye l, for good. That’s the kind of thing people do. I thought.
If you are not happy, remember it was entirely your decision to walk away. I didn’t push you away. You decided I was too much and you needed something else. from my heart to yours, I hope you are finally happy.
I found happiness personally, finally. Not in the arms of a boy. I found happiness within. I focused more on me, I treated me right, started chasing my dreams and watching the sunset. Especially watching the sunset, it’s peaceful. You should try it sometimes. We were supposed to watch the sunset together, we never had the chance. I’m grateful for that. Apparently, it’s the only thing that I got to do that you didn’t have a chance to contaminate. And it keeps me sane.
Someday I hope I will meet someone, half man, half amazing. Someone who would sweep me off my feet(not in a fairy kind of way). I hope, I really do. I don’t wish for life alone, but this someone has to be half man, half amazing. Amazing enough to make me want to spend my limited free time with them rather than having a good time or working or watching the sunset.
If I don’t meet anyone, my half man half amazing,that’s okay. I’m finally in a good place. I’m okay with life alone. Made peace with that, I don’t fight life alone, not anymore. There are worse things that could happen to anyone, worse than life alone. Cancer for example. Life alone doesn’t look so bad, it seems peaceful and addictive. Life alone is trendy, it’s the new thing. Or so I tell myself. Actually, not the new thing, looks like a possibility in my new reality.
My love, I hope you are happy. And I hope leaving me was for the best. I hope she is everything I could never be. I hope she is everything you ever wished for. Do us both a favor, in case you read this. Do us both a favor and let me move on. Give me a chance to stop wishing we might have a chance. Stop contacting me on days you feel like you could. Because baby, that’s slowing my moving on. And it’s not fair.
Just another rumble.