Someday You Will Realize You Should Never Have Left Me

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The day you called it quits, you weren’t yourself. Your heart was fighting to stay but whatever demon had possessed you was encouraging you to leave. You started with being cold towards me, I didnt complain. You gave me the typical line “it’s not you, it’s me” BS. I tried fighting for us, by try I mean I let you have your way,while I lay on the floor sobbing. I woke up early,the next day, it was a working day, you fixed us breakfast like it was a normal day. I fixed up,did my make up, I choose my clothes carefully, I was feeling shitty so I tried looking elegant. It’s a thing I do, my armour, foolihg the world. Charles Darwin said that only the fit can survive in the man eat society. As usual, you fixed me coffee, that you gave me while walking down the stairs. You said, “you look beautiful, my girl”. I didn’t giggle like I always did, instead, I sipped my coffee, it tasted different. That coffee wasn’t as good as my usual, maybe because it was a gloomy morning or because I had lost you. I don’t know. But then again, it was a better distraction that responding to your comment. I told myself to hold it together, breakdown later,and I did. I hugged you goodbye and deep down I knew I would never see you again.

Someday you will realize that you never should have left me. You will realize that no one before and after me was has ever been on your side like I did. I still do, I go on my knees and pray to the Guy above to keep you safe and give you the desires of your heart.

You will realize my indecisiveness was pretty entertaining. You will be forty, serving your wife juice on a sunny afternoon, you will do it just how she likes it, same old. You will laugh at the irony of it, how I couldn’t even decide if I should even have a drink or not. How I couldn’t decide on what soda take. How I forgot to take coffee in the morning then whine about it all day. How entertaining it was when I told you to surprise me! I would let you give me whatever drink you felt I should have.

You will realize that all those times we fought over your life choices from sticking to that stupid job you hated your food choices. I did it all for love, I wanted you to be better. I didn’t want you to be mediocre, I wanted you to make a name for yourself, leave a mark and achieve greatness. I kept pushing because I didn’t want you to settle. It wasn’t because you were not enough!

Most of all you will realize that I loved you, I loved you for real. Our love was real, but you ran away from it. It’s something I will never understand. We were real or as real could get, peas of the same pod. We complemented each other. I miss competing your sentences. The things I sucked in you thrived and vice versa. You and I were a great team,until you started fighting against us. It all went down when you stopped playing in our team.

I miss drinking wine while you did beer on regular Tuesday evening while we tried doing a new recipe, of course we ended up ruining it. We would order pizza and pray to God that a saint will show up to do the ruined dishes because somebody wasn’t paying attention and we burnt everything any way. We were horrible together too. I don’t know how we were so good and that bad for each other.

This Is My TBT

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I had this awesome human being as my partner once. It was a telemundo of sorts and I have never regretted any moment of it irregardless of how hard she dropped me. To her I was a bad habit but that’s a story for another day.

There is this one time I lent out an item of hers and the user was a twat and used it in a manner that would make the term savage an understatement.  She actually found the crime in progress and naturally she blew all gaskets.She was furious, and my little education was enough to know that hell has no fury like a woman scorned.  The light skin in her turned pink and instantly I knew I was in poop!  She left me in the room and went to calm down at the neighbours place. You know that dumb twat who always hits on your mama hoping one day he would get lucky. So I tried to twist my tongue for the better to no avail. So I decided to leave.

Halfway to my place I decided that there wasn’t a problem I couldn’t fix. Ego my friend. I went shopping  ,replaced what was ruined and added her favourite brand of chocolate in the mix. I went to her and since I knew she didn’t want to see me I handed her the items and left. Seconds later she called.  I picked expecting a tongue lashing but all she said was babe it’s okay. Music to my ears I knew I wouldn’t be stabbed at night because of my transgressions. She went ahead and asked me why I loved her so much and all I could come up with is just because I do

Attractions are there and love is there too what I have never figured out is what gets us there. I have read, Googled but still I have Jack squat!  please if you have an answer indulge me please

Don’t You Dare Blame It On The Liquor

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So some philosopher decided that drunks are honest!  Yeah that’s true because my skills as a pathological liar are squashed and I become honest!  Too honest for my own good. Well we could blame liquor for all our misdeed or errors but the definition of sober is somewhat elusive. let’s explore.
You met someone, you instantly like them and before you know it you trip and fall in love. Head over heels my friend but alas the feeling is not mutual. You ignore the signs hoping maybe cupid will pull a favour and change some ice cold heart to warm up to you but nothing happens. My friend you just drunk in love while your supposed partner is sober! can we blame the liquor?

You been working hard and you climb the ladders of power. Then like the flick of a button you start looking down upon those you used to hustle along with. Disgusted by them and push them away because now you have a bigger and better circle. The chicken come home to roost and the fake friends scatter. You now all alone because you was too drunk with power. Can we blame the liquor?

You wake up one day and win the lotto. You now balling and will have nothing to do with family or friends. You meet ladies who are willing and able to assist you where spending is hard. Bit by bit you squander your fortune away. When it’s all gone you all alone knee deep in debt regretting in a million ways. Yeah you was high on life but really can we blame the liquor?

Booze gets blamed for virtually anything negative but you forget that human imperfections fuel our vices and leave us crashed and depressed. Then is when all you can do is blame something like booze or the best cliche yet,  or better still the Devil!!

The end!

Tingisha Mkuki

Quest

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You remember fairy tales where knights used to go on quests to win a lady’s heart?  That was noble and brave, twats who would gladly give their lives for a course. Snap back to reality .My definition of a quest is living! From the moment you set off as a sperm swimming faster than aquaman so as to cross the conception finish line the hustle begins. You made it,  that’s great!

The next quest is hoping that your mom doesn’t get cold feet and evict you faster than a mad man in royal ball .Nine months down the line you kick the door open, the water breaks and you induce the biggest pain pleasure bonanza to get here. Pain is you being born the pleasure and joy is when your parents hold you for the first time. A gift from the universe you are ,one of a kind, they name you. Your first cry goes platinum as it is music to the ears of your kin! Well done little Knight you made it thus far. The life begins, adults come to see you hold you and even talk to you in a language so foreign sometimes you just laugh thinking that they loco! Times are awesome you the king/queen you cry they come, you shit, burp and even scratch and all the attention you get. Life could never be better, eat sleep repeat that’s the life! 

Then school comes along and you now find yourself out of the comfort of your parents home and into the cold world. You cry on the first day and mum will have none of that.  Left in the care of a stranger you decide to brave it out. Life slowly takes shape and educations starts to blossom in you. The more you learn you develop a sense of pride and a tinge of ignorance. Years go by, lessons learned instill discipline and a self sufficient attitude in you. Finally the time flies for you to leave the nest. Your parents could not be more happier tears of joy are all over as not so long ago you we’re a bundle of joy and now you are a grown up. The quest for money and independence is quite the storm you soon find out. Things that used to come easy you now have to work for. You find out that nobody is an island and also embark on a cardiac voyage. One that is filled with with mishaps and betrayals.  With luck you settle down start a family. Then you finally pass the mantle to your younglings.. By this time your parents are old and they soon going to rest. You know it is inevitable but the inner child in you wants them to leave forever. 

Finally they depart and all you got is your kids and family. You take the lessons passed to you and instill them on the little ones. Watch them grow with pride and a sense of accomplishment. Like all things you too will come to an end. The reaper comes to collect. On your last breath your quest is done question is??  Have you done it to the fullest??

the end.

Tingisha Mkuki

Dear Mother I Will Write My Résumé Soon

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I have been intending to write my résumé for months now. I even swore that I would do it today. Half the day is done, and I’m busy in the other half. By busy I mean doing abso-fucking-lutely nothing other than overthinking and wishing for the stars while I hangout with you my virtual friends. So Chances of starting that résumé today is zero!Postponed again, try again tomorrow.

On a serious note, I don’t know why I don’t have a résumé well written and tucked somewhere at least. Even for safekeeping sake. I will need more than inspiration, the fear of the Lord my mom has been trying to instill, threats from my BFF and a guilty conscience to get it done.  If someone who is totally not me asks me to do their résumé, I will gladly do it, it will be well written and articulated with legit referees and shit. All they have to do is ask, and kaboom! I start spewing words to convince someone to hire them. I will even do tutorials on what to say, do etc etc etc on interviews.

I don’t have my résumé well written and tucked somewhere like every other sane young adult looking for employment but what I have is Even better. I have a lie I tell myself every night before I go to bed, “you will do it tomorrow Riri, you will find a job, you will be a proper adult”. Then I say a prayer and doze off. Or I doze off saying a prayer, my nights are not all the same. Sometimes I forget to tell myself the lie, I skip the prayer and go straight to sleep.

Do I have a job? No. Am I looking for one? I should be. How do I get by? Living each day at a time, slaving for my little brother here and there on the days that end with y. Do I have a plan? Hmmm… Well, I should but I don’t. I don’t even know if I will be given the power to read and write, that is graduate by the end of the year. I don’t even know what I will have for lunch today or if I will even have lunch at all. I just want to sleep my life away, watch spongebob shows, eat substandard food once in a while and dream about Samburu.

I haven’t gone to Samburu yet, I will head there soon, I hope. The year is almost over and I haven’t done have the shit I said I would, 2016 deserves a little justice that’s why I have Samburu as top priority. I Didn’t loose weight, ran away from the big city, no written résumé, no real job, no hopes at least I have dreams. Let’s find out what goes on in Samburu, I will keep y’all posted in graphics(if and when I get a camera) and words(those I can spew and bleed anytime). Maybe I should start my own YouTube channel on the Samburu cause. Can somebody lend me their Nikon 570 or whatever. I promise to bring it back, hopefully in one piece.

So, soon, I will write my résumé. Maybe tomorrow or the day after or some clock next to never. I don’t know, in one way or another I will have to get it done. Or may be I won’t, maybe I will magically afford one way plane ticket to NYC, try my hands on writing. Or maybe I will magically afford a ticket to Las Vegas and kick off as a stripper. Or maybe I will finally write my resume, do my internship, become a nutritionist and just make momma proud.

Here’s how i imagine the versions of myself that pick either of the three paths will die

The version of me that kicks it off in Vegas as a stripper gets disown by dearest mommy, brothers and sisters. A bunch of people will show up, try saving her from self destruction. They all epically fail in saving me, everyone finally moves on. I find a stripper best friend who looks out for me. We try our hands winning the lottery once in a while which we both loose. She has a good heart, my bff in this life, so she finds someone who get saves her. I let her go, and promise to follow suit in future. I don’t, so I end up dying due to an overdose. My body or bones is discovered a few day or months or years later. They can’t trace where I came from, no one claimed I was missing or anything. If I’m lucky, what’s left of me is dumped in a public cemetery somewhere. A few years later, my stripper best friend shows up looking for me, no one remembers I existed before….. Blank.. Blank… Blank… I just disappeared on the face of earth like that. That is what happens ti me in this life Or at least the Hollywood version of my story in that life.

The version of me that goes to NYC will be addicted to coffee(just like my current self). She will smoke a pack of cigarettes everyday, drink too much cheap wine, club hop every day chasing shots of whiskey and setting sunsets, anything, anything that will inspire bleeding words. I will probably fall in love with all the things that make me bleed, self destruction is one epic source of inspiration. In this life, I ruin myself grandly but slowly. I get to kill my lungs, my liver, and fall in love with all the things that break my heart. If I ever get to finish a book or two or more, my death won’t be in vain, there’s a chance the words I spewed will start selling. I will be dead, famous and rich, in that order, how about that? I don’t know how to romanticize my death in this life. Maybe it will be lung cancer, liver failure, obesity or one epic road accident after a night of drinking too much and driving. Again, in this life I get to die alone.

Then there’s a version of me that lives my mom’s dream. In this life I get to write my résumé, I get a job, get married, pop a few kids, retire and die. At least I don’t get to die alone, I will have loved ones to eulogize my death, a few to mourn my demise and a legacy that lives on to posterity and beyond. The legacy part is not because I pulled a mother Theresa or anything, I don’t even get to be a saint. I don’t get to leave a legacy because I saved humanity from self destruction or anything interesting. In this life I live on through the kids I popped. The greatest thing I get to bless the world with are a few babies. I will boss them around so they could follow on my doorsteps, then hope to God they get to do the same thing for their kids. See? I get to live on, just like my greatest greatest greatest greatest greatest grandmother who had another long line of greatest bla bla bla… We are all here because somebody got laid! So, I live on!

PS. Overthinking is not a real word, there’s a space between over and thinking. bff is not even a thing, it’s suppose to be BFF and it means best friend forever.

Just Another Rumble

The Cheater’s Chronicles (Part 1)

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My good friend Daisy is of the opinion that cheating is too much of a hustle keeping in mind that the main relationship is too much work!  I agree but not fully.. a fling should be regarded as a side hustle and those taking part should be commended for their zeal and hard work.. In a relationship there are times you literally  struggle not to kill your spouse. They have this mystical ability to get on your every nerve out of the blue. You have to extensively devote your time, effort and money to make It work. Now if after all this you can still find time to cheat,  you my friend is God. You know that, that herculean energy required to satisfy two ladies and the mental stability to be able to deal with all the issues they come with.. You my friend deserve a medal for thinking that you are too smart when in the real sense you dumb!

You end up fuelling your insecurities and amasing paranoia Since you cheating you will start thinking that you are being cheated on. You just grow tired from having to filter calls and texts when you around people and to make everything seem normal.  That kind of showmanship is Hollywood manenoz. You perfect lying through your teeth that you don’t even remember what the truth sounds like, anymore. Hell you would make a polygraph test look ridiculous when you can change your name and the pseudo passes for the truth. All in all you trot through life convincing yourself that even a soldier has a primary weapon and a side piece, that it’s not healthy to eat the same meal on a daily basis haha. Yeah, that will help you sleep like a baby at night, trust me..

The thrill is awesome ,the creeping and adrenaline rushes when you almost get caught! Get the chills when your spouse ameshika simu yako.You now living like a death row inmate. You know you will get caught trouble is you don’t know when ��
fun times i tell you �

PS. 1. Ameshika simu yako is Swahili for, going through your phone.
2. Manenoz means things.

PS.  My good friend tingisha mkuki responded to my article about relationship is a luxury in your early twenties.

Written by Tingisha Mkuki