To My Best Friend Who Thinks I Am Crazy

You are right. I’m freaking insane. Have you met me? Lemme introduce myself. I’m a neurotic bipolar who hates people. I have a tendency of stabbing people. My nerves are always rattled but coffee is always the answer. I’m always grumpy. I have a resting bitch face and I would rather read a book than hangout with humans. I go from being absolutely happy to super sad. I go from being super depressed to extremely excited  all in ten seconds. I like crowded places and I cherish solitude(that’s how I recharge).  I like talking but sometimes I would rather not talk to anyone. Call me mental, I love me anyway.

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I appreciate small gestures like flowers, holding hands and private smiles in public are the little pleasures in life that melt me. I want a Ferrari, to travel the world on planes, sleep in good hotels and cheap motels. I want adventure, collecting memories and buying fine things too. I don’t know how ice cream could make me very happy and and a bottle of wine seem too much. I don’t know how I go from cuddling mood to please don’t hug me today it’s suffocating.

I like being called ‘my girl’ from a lover but I hate being owned.  I enjoy holding hands but sweaty hands make me uncomfortable. I like cuddles but sometimes they are the very thing that suffocate me. I don’t know how I came to be this way. I go from wanting to kiss someone to having a gag reflex when their name comes up. I go from wanting to wake up next to someone everyday and never wanting to go to share a bed. I go from blowing up Your phone to being a rationale human.  It’s a vicious cycle that I do not understand.

I’m equally surprised with the things that I say just like you do, 80% of the time. Sometimes I don’t think, words just crawl out of my mouth, before I know it, my thoughts are out in the open. I like surprising myself, so if you are shocked, I’m shocked too. Sometimes I surprise myself and think before talking, I keep a clear head and filter my words, that’s 15% of the time. The other 5% I can’t account for, it’s the thing mathematicians refer to as math error. I suck in math, don’t believe a thing I say when it comes to numbers. It’s the same thing with my actions, I’m rarely think before I act, I just do stuffs until they start making sense or never make sense at all.

I’m obsessive by nature. I obsess over clean bathrooms, coffee, crushes, ice cream, chocolates, food, roses, coffee, wine, tea, books, wine, coffee, love etc etc. There’s always something to be obsess over. When I’m not obsessing I’m obsessing about not obsession!

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