The day you called it quits, you weren’t yourself. Your heart was fighting to stay but whatever demon had possessed you was encouraging you to leave. You started with being cold towards me, I didnt complain. You gave me the typical line “it’s not you, it’s me” BS. I tried fighting for us, by try I mean I let you have your way,while I lay on the floor sobbing. I woke up early,the next day, it was a working day, you fixed us breakfast like it was a normal day. I fixed up,did my make up, I choose my clothes carefully, I was feeling shitty so I tried looking elegant. It’s a thing I do, my armour, foolihg the world. Charles Darwin said that only the fit can survive in the man eat society. As usual, you fixed me coffee, that you gave me while walking down the stairs. You said, “you look beautiful, my girl”. I didn’t giggle like I always did, instead, I sipped my coffee, it tasted different. That coffee wasn’t as good as my usual, maybe because it was a gloomy morning or because I had lost you. I don’t know. But then again, it was a better distraction that responding to your comment. I told myself to hold it together, breakdown later,and I did. I hugged you goodbye and deep down I knew I would never see you again.
Someday you will realize that you never should have left me. You will realize that no one before and after me was has ever been on your side like I did. I still do, I go on my knees and pray to the Guy above to keep you safe and give you the desires of your heart.
You will realize my indecisiveness was pretty entertaining. You will be forty, serving your wife juice on a sunny afternoon, you will do it just how she likes it, same old. You will laugh at the irony of it, how I couldn’t even decide if I should even have a drink or not. How I couldn’t decide on what soda take. How I forgot to take coffee in the morning then whine about it all day. How entertaining it was when I told you to surprise me! I would let you give me whatever drink you felt I should have.
You will realize that all those times we fought over your life choices from sticking to that stupid job you hated your food choices. I did it all for love, I wanted you to be better. I didn’t want you to be mediocre, I wanted you to make a name for yourself, leave a mark and achieve greatness. I kept pushing because I didn’t want you to settle. It wasn’t because you were not enough!
Most of all you will realize that I loved you, I loved you for real. Our love was real, but you ran away from it. It’s something I will never understand. We were real or as real could get, peas of the same pod. We complemented each other. I miss competing your sentences. The things I sucked in you thrived and vice versa. You and I were a great team,until you started fighting against us. It all went down when you stopped playing in our team.
I miss drinking wine while you did beer on regular Tuesday evening while we tried doing a new recipe, of course we ended up ruining it. We would order pizza and pray to God that a saint will show up to do the ruined dishes because somebody wasn’t paying attention and we burnt everything any way. We were horrible together too. I don’t know how we were so good and that bad for each other.