blogging · Heartbreak · Love

The Goodbye We Never Said

Some hellos don’t get a decent goodbye. “

How can it be goodbye forever when it was suppose to be hello and forever? You called me on my birthday, said you never forgot. That October always reminds you of one certain beautiful girl… Me. I make a mental note to see you soon. I think October reminds you of me because it’s my birthday month. You used to joke that you haven’t met anyone who makes a big deal about growing old more than I did. Hahahahaha.. Of course I do. October will always be a big deal. It’s my birthday month and also my favorite month of the year. All good things happen in October, don’t you think?  
When I asked you to meet me and you agreed l liked the fact that I didn’t have to ask where, all you had to do is say the time. I show up fashionably late with dusty feet,runny mascara, smudgy lipstick…. My god, I had a long day. You smile, that smile that used to melt my hear, my favorite smile. You smile, and before you even say hello you said,” that’s so like my Riri.” We both froze because that statement was so wrong in so many ways. I’m not your Riri anymore, not your girl. I haven’t been in a very long time. 

I gave you a small smile and you hugged me. I know we never made sense but every time you smiled and looked at me, at that tiny moment, we made sense. We were messy, I know. I guess I have a thing for broken things, messy people and imperfection. Perfect things and “flawless” people make me uncomfortable. We never made sense but your crooked smile is still my favorite. 
On “our date” I wanted to flag down the waitress, order something for me. You touched my hand lightly and said, “I got you,  placed our order. “I raised one brow, with a questioning look. You laughed and said that you ordered the strongest, blackest coffee the chef can prepare. How ironic, you know me so well and you don’t know me at all. I needed the caffeine but I also wanted to order a mocha or hot chocolate. I wanted to show you that now, thanks to you, I drink milk. My god, thanks for placing the order that day, heavens knows i needed that fix of caffeine, badly. 

We talked for a while. I was glad you found love or like you called her, your axis. You found sanity and love all wrapped up in one. But again.. You needed closure from something messy as what we had. I was surprised, your confession that you never really moved on was shocking if not interesting. They all always come back, I just didn’t see you as one of those who seek closure. 
She called and I knew you had to go home. So I asked for a bottle of whiskey. You gladly got me a bottle. 
“That will keep you warm.”

That makes the two of us.”

“I will see you soon”

“I hope so”

There and then, I knew I would never see you again. That was goodbye. The goodbye we never said. You needed closure, I hope you found it. 


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