Hard For Scars

A warrior by heart and human in flesh. 

A survivor of all things dangerous and all things mundane.  

He is not afraid to bleed, he is afraid of not living it up. 

He wears his scars as a badge, the ugliest deepest of scars looks good on him. 

He is hard for scars. 
He is scarred, harden by pain and all things mundane. 

His heart is black, scarred, bleeding and beautiful. 

He makes me believe, believe in God again. He makes me want to surrender my soul.

He makes me believe, believe in  all things devine. 

He is hard, hard for scars. 
I want to write crappy poems about him. How some of his scars look like an awful tattoo. 

How his intense brown eyes can make anyone get lost in them. 

His voice, still gives me chills. 

His laughter roars like thunder and his smile hits you like a curve ball. 
He is fierce, dark and passionate just the way I like it. 


Rest In Peace My Love

“You picked the right time to leave me.”

I don’t know what to feel anymore. I thought our relationship was rock solid. That nothing under the sun would come between us. That my love for you was enough to keep us together. Some times love just ain’t enough. I didn’t know that each passing day would bring us closer to the end. You should have warned me. You should have given me a sign that eventually, you won’t be mine. 
I would like to apologise for all those times I hurt you. All those times I over used you. I was suppose to protect you, I know. I was suppose to be nice to you all the time. I was suppose to be your lover, protector and guardian. I was suppose to be there for you all the time without using you, without making you stay up all night. I should have let you rest more often. 

The thing is good things don’t end, they end badly. 

I should have bought you a protector, my dear phone. I should have been a careful handler. sorry for all the times you fell and got a dent. Sorry for over charging you. Sorry for staying up all night instead of sleeping. Sorry for abusing you and using you all the time in the name of love. 

But I’m not all to blame. You should have given me a sign that things are bad. Shut down a few times just to scare me. Refuse to power up to get my attention. Stop for a while or something. But you didn’t, you took the hits. You took the abuse. You stayed loyal, until now. You just shut down. I will miss you. You were the best thing that happened to me. Good camera, impeccable speed and you never once failed me. I will forever be grateful, you are probably the best lover I ever had. Now it’s your time to go, REST IN PEACE MY LOVE. 
I want you to know, that you really did break my heart in the end. 

I Hope You Living It Up Without Me

I remember the first time we met. We were both obsessed with the same thing, or I was and you played along. Memory is a fickle thing, we all remember the same event differently. I loved books, I still do. If being a book lover was a ticket to fame, then I guess I would be Queen Bee. So we talked about books, and s’more about books. We talked about coffee and moviea. I told you about my obsession with coffee, and how coffee has been my one true love for years. I guesss my longest stable relationship is the one I had with those little black beans. You laughed so hard like I was trying to be funny but my god, I was for real. 

We had fun

Our friendship and whatever madness that followed was based on nothing solid. Not even infatuation or lust on the down side. You made me smoke Pot, something that I hadn’t done for a long While. I told you about my strong hate towards humans, I don’t know if you did too or you acted like you did. BC for a self proclaim introvert, you had so many friends. I couldn’t handle that many people in my life, so I had a constant urge to unplug I needed to recover from your friends. I killed all your dumb friends in my head. I enjoyed the company of those who had the decency to shut up, mostly. 
I didn’t know how to compromise or meet you half way. I have always been treated like an only child with my parents for along while. I was so special that I didn’t have to share in kindergarten. I don’t know how to change or make compromises, even on the best of intentions. I know you tried to make it work, I did too. But we couldn’t just work. Or we could have been Okay, with extra effort. I don’t put that much effort on my eyebrows, and they mean the world to me. Besides, we were both in our twenties, no time for trying to make some relationship work. 

I talked to my therapist about you. Well, all he does is help me sabotage whatever relationship I get my sexy ass into. He tried ruining mine relationship with coffee, well, all his methods backfired on him. Maybe it’s because coffee is always there, and it never talks back. And it doesn’t try to force me to be anything. Coffee accepts me all the damn time. But, my therapist is always right. He has helped me weed out a bunch of toxic relationship in my life. It’s ironic, I know he is bad for me. He knows he is bad for me.but we just can’t help but have the compulsory 40 minutes a week phone call, anyway. Besides, he makes sense, his school of thought and view of life are mostly flawless. So, when I was in one of my sessions with my therapist, I told him about you. He gave me reasons why I should walk away. According to him;” you are a manipulative excuse for a human being and I deserve better.”well, looks like all I will ever score, relationship wise, is coffee. 

I hope you are happy now

According to my therapist and sometimes best friend slash drinking buddy slash whatever. According to him, other than the fact that you are a manipulative bla bla bla… He thinks I’m more in love with the idea of love than love itself. So, it’s fair to say, I never loved you. It could be worse, he thinks have never loved a soul in my life. Well, story for another day. 

Even though we didn’t become solid, I hope you happy. 

I hope you still read and watch reruns

I hope you find love. I hope you find someone you deserve. I hope you read books that blow your mind. I hope you find someone who doesn’t literally cringe every time you try to have an intimate moment. I hope you find someone who doesn’t literally wipe her hands every time you hold hands and your palms become sweaty. I hope you find someone willing to kiss you under the sun, not just under the moon when the whole world is asleep. I hope you find someone Who loves you, not the idea of you. I hope you find someone who meets you up halfway. I hope you find someone who calls you every night. I hope you find someone who doesn’t switch towns just because she can. I hope you get to live it up without me. 

One Year Blogging Anniversary

I’m not internet famous or I didn’t get a million views nor a nomination for the infamous SOMA awards. No, but I’m just excited Today is my first year anniversary since I started my blog, and became the clichéd blogger. I like blogging because bloggers are not trying to sell you anything, just another public diary. Sometimes our rants saves the day, sometimes it just makes someone laugh or not feel alone. 

One year down the line, and have made some good friends online, some from the blogging community and others from my readers. I appreciate the support I got from my readers and fellow bloggers. I even found my tribe here, and I couldn’t ask for more. 

I am really glad I started blogging. Even more glad I didn’t give up on the way. I got a chance to express my opinion, tell my story and live my truth. Some moments, when am caught in the heat of writing, I got a chance to discover parts of me I didn’t even know existed. It’s been an interesting journey and I would love to have many more! 

Here’s another chance, around the sun, to blog, spew words, bleed words and finding growth in words. Another chance to rant, rage and dabble. Mostly, am just dabbling. 

Let’s see what 2017 got for us, shall we? I hope we get that SOMA award nomination this year, don’t you think? 


Short Hair Is The Way To Go

On the thing about being a broke jobless twenty something, I decided to keep my hair short. I would like to lie to you and say it’s a fashion statement or i look good in short hair, you might call me on the bullshit. My hair is short because it’s low maintenance, if you know me, I’m big on cheap. Cheap thrills, they say. 
After many years of rejecting her advice, I think my highschool headmistress was right about one thing; SHORT HAIR. That mama forced us to keep our hair short all through high school, the teenager in me thought that was unfair. It did make us look like boys and my late bloom didn’t do much to help. I had a flat chest, no hips,and no noticeable ass. The short hair look didn’t help, so I look liked a homeless lesbian in school uniform. My dad said that I had a figure of a post. And being tall with big ears didn’t help much. I rocked my akward looks with confidence, so it seemed cool. I was a cool girl, after all. 
Its ironic how the semi adult in me, after years of rejecting everything Maimuna(that was her nickname) said, that I finally found something we both agree on. No one likes to admit that their highschool teacher or anyone was ever right in whatever they said. I don’t like this admission either,  but, here we are! She was right all along, after all. 

After shedding most of my teenage awkward look. I use most because I kept the ears and height, I finally look good ish in short hair. But looks like I didnt shade most of that teenage awkwardness, I got me some disastrous highlight on. So basically, my short hair looks like that of a not so homeless lesbian. I like to think that the only fashion statement am pulling these days is representing homeless lesbians. It’s not my fault,my hair stylist attempted to salvage my already short hair with some highlight and that shit backfired. So, the fashion statement I’m currently making is “homeless lesbian “. I should really consider changing my hairstylist or something. I don’t hate the sunny gold colour my hair. I love it. just that no one takes anyone serious who walks around with blazing gold fire head. Now more than ever, I need someone to take me serious. After all, job hunting is a full-time employment. But allegedly, my stylist is the best in town. So, I’m stuck with that one, probably consider dying it black and see how it goes. I should go to the salon soon, I really should, instead of ranting about it here. 
And I should listen to my mom often. She has better hair ideas than the ones I come up with. 

​My Genius 2017 Survival Tricks 

This is how I plan to survive 2017

  1. One nap at a time. 
  2.  One cup of coffee at a time 
  3. One project at a time. 
  4. One movie at a time. 
  5. One blog post at a time. 
  6. One poem at a time. 
  7.  One book at a time. 
  8.  One balance meal a day.
  9. learn one skill at a time 
  10.  One lover for a lifetime. 
  11. One sip at a time. 

Basically, my genius plan, is to slow down. stop and stare. 
My Genius 2017 No Mores

1. No more trying to be Supergirl

2. No more trying to do several projects at once. 
I will stop, I will stare. 

I plan on living more and worrying less. 

To His Next Girlfriend

I don’t know if I should start with hello or just get to the point? We are not friends and we haven’t had the pleasure to be acquainted.  I just know yoexist like you know I exist. You started following me on Instagram. I don’t know what you thought you would find, or were you trying to see if you are prettier?  Bummer! I’m just a girl and who ain’t your competition. Just a girl from a small town, sometimes she plays with words. A self proclaim poetess who has more words than rhymes. 

Anyway, I just want you to know a few things. I will call him once in a While. It’s not because I want him back. He is the Superman to my Lois, we might not be together but we need each to survive. Sometimes I will be calling him everyday, sometimes months apart or even years apart. It’s because when things get rough he is my Knight. And he will call me too, and I hope my next gets to know this too. We broke up because we were toxic for each other. Broken glasses, careless words thrown around and my god, we loved fighting because we did enjoy making up. 

Your role as his girlfriend is to clean up the mess I left behind. Pick up the pieces and put them right back where they belong. There’s broken glass in the corners of his bedroom, evidence of our love, please start by sweeping the floor. The stains of lipstick in all his shirts, I lived for marking territory. You will find lots of lipstick stains around the house; his clothes, towels, and a bunch of things that I don’t remember staining, clean that up too. You deserve a fresh start. I also left a few personal things here and there, don’t be afraid to get rid of them. You deserve a fresh start. There’s a file in his computer with my name on it, you should delete that too. It’s too much work I know, but you can’t live with the ghost of me. So girl, clean up. You already got to live with my popping in and out of his life whenever I choose. 

It’s unfortunate I left him so broken, he did a number on me too. You won’t understand the depth of our scars and love was and is more twisted. When things get hard, when he stops trusting you or whatever. Feel free to put the blame on me. I’m the reason he became so hardened, he was whole when I met him, I swear. I was broken and he started fixing me, you can’t do that without a little bleeding. He bled more than little though. Our relationship wasn’t like other relationships, it was something else. Where was I? Ooh I was telling you to blame me if things don’t work out. Blame it on the self proclaimed poetess you followed on Instagram. 

He badly wants babies, a family and such. I hope you will be the woman who gives him all that. He will make a great dad. I have watched him with kids and he is great. He will probably spoil them a little. Don’t be afraid to mother his children. In other words, don’t pull a Riri. I was scared and afraid of children, marriage and all that. No assurance under the sun made me want to walk down the isle for him. He wanted to make a honourable woman out of me and what did I do? I ran away.

And he is not all awesome though. He ain’t a perfect, the wrapping is pretty though. He goes mute when angry. He walks away when pissed. He hates confrontations, especially that. He hates being questioned, in whatever you do, don’t question his choices. He hates that, but he will tell you about those that matter, especially the ones that affect you both. He is a very private person, I hope you have the patience only vultures were endowed. You will need a lot of that. He has other weaknesses too but there’s only one way to find out, go all the way girl.

Take care of him for me. If I can’t love him, I want him to be loved. If I can’t have him, at least someone else should. Take care of him. Love him to the moon and back. Everyone deserves love, even the most broken. Love him tenderly and fiercely. He deserves that.