My best friend called me last night, here is the conversation that we had. And it did get me thinking about relationships and how they are hard…
Me: what’s going on with you?
BFF: I broke up with my boyfriend today. It’s too much drama. His ex girlfriends all over the place. I read through his messages and one lady threatened to make his life terrible. And they are stalking me.
Me: You are just being paranoid. And why exactly are you breaking up?
BFF: You weren’t listening? I said it’s because of his other girlfriends.
ME: I heard you. I’m just wondering is it because they are stalking you or you are stalking him… Or is it because his exes and their plans of ruining his life. And that’s the kind of thing you can’t stay and watch. I’m just wondering.
BFF: You are hopeless.
ME: hey missy, I’m trying to help here. And I can’t help if I don’t get the big picture.
BFF: the big picture is I’m single, do you have plans this weekend? We can go out and have fun.
ME: I don’t have plans. On second thoughts, it’s January Missy, no way I’m starting my weekend with your ideas of “fun”. But I can be bought, Give up your red dress. And Darling I ll do anythin. I will even throw caution to the wind and go with your ideas.
ME: Good. Then I have plans. And I’m not available to entertain your single self.
BFF: Whatever. You will have the dress.
ME: cheers. Let’s celebrate
Me: BTW how are you holding up?
BFF: I ll be fine.
BFF: don’t worry about me. And please don’t make plans. You are my weekend Buddy.
Me: okay Missy, I’m all yours. I will just take your red dress, and I ll let you use me.
She hung up.
Then I woke up this morning and from three of my favorite blogs. They are singing the same song. With topics like, “ten steps to let go“. ” don’t settle for less, walk away if you feel inadequate “and a several other insane topics. I know you have read somewhere along the way.
Our generation is pretty fucked up. We want perfect while we praise our imperfections. We want scripted movie kind of love. And I will tell you why that’s impossible; first it’s impractical , its scripted and that’s why it’s on TV. If walking away fixes things then I know someone who needs lessons about walking away. I will call my aunt who has been married for 26 years and counting. I will sell her all these bullcrap about letting go, and that something better is out there waiting for her instead of all the patience, understanding, hard times and in betweens she has had to endure to keep her marriage. How about that?
Stop walking away when things get tough. How about you try holding on? If you found someone crazy enough willing to put up with your imperfections, someone willing to try even when things got tough, someone as insane as yourself, STAY. I promise, there’s nothing better out here, just another human with a different shade of imperfections but same old irritating.
He didn’t pick your call? Okay. Wait he ll call back. Maybe ten years from now but hey don’t drive yourself insane, over thinking. You think she is cheating on you? How about you start dealing with your trust issues Mister, get a shrink or something. He left the toilet seat up? Well this is a legit reason to walk away, I swear.. But seriously, just put the seat down and shout on his labia face later. It’s an irritating ex problem? We all got. Baggage sometime. Give him space to sought out his mess or help him out. She didn’t do what she promised? She either forgot or didn’t have the means or something came up. You should remind her. Recurring unfulfilled promises? Talk about it together.
The point is, walking away fixes nothing. After all, your significant other is only human. None of us is perfect. Plus, just do your thing.
Don’t read those blogs. Or blog posts that lie to us about letting go bull crao and break ups. They are mostly written by sad single souls like me. Talking about relationships we have never been into. Giving you advice while we don’t even understand how relationships work. Have you checked their relationship statuses? Look at mine for example.
Don’t listen to your girlfriends either, not all the time though. Don’t even tell your girlfriends most of your relationship problems. They ll either talk you into a break up or help sabotage.
Remember your relationship is unique on it’s own. It shouldn’t be like your last and it won’t be like anyone else’s. You do your thing your way, your rules, your relationship.
He could be physically abusing you and that’s his way of expressing love and maybe that’s your way of receiving love too. She could be showering you with gifts and maybe that’s her way of expressing love. He could be emotionally abusing you, and maybe that’s how you like it too because how else do you keep chasing the abusive one’s? And I’m sure you knew all this things from the start, then was your chance not to stay. But we are here and now. Stay. Stay until you say the safe word, then I suppose you would have had enough. It’s time to go. Maybe. Or maybe there’s never the right time to let go, but eternity to stay and make memories.