I Hope You Living It Up Without Me


I remember the first time we met. We were both obsessed with the same thing, or I was and you played along. Memory is a fickle thing, we all remember the same event differently. I loved books, I still do. If being a book lover was a ticket to fame, then I guess I would be Queen Bee. So we talked about books, and s’more about books. We talked about coffee and moviea. I told you about my obsession with coffee, and how coffee has been my one true love for years. I guesss my longest stable relationship is the one I had with those little black beans. You laughed so hard like I was trying to be funny but my god, I was for real. 

We had fun

Our friendship and whatever madness that followed was based on nothing solid. Not even infatuation or lust on the down side. You made me smoke Pot, something that I hadn’t done for a long While. I told you about my strong hate towards humans, I don’t know if you did too or you acted like you did. BC for a self proclaim introvert, you had so many friends. I couldn’t handle that many people in my life, so I had a constant urge to unplug I needed to recover from your friends. I killed all your dumb friends in my head. I enjoyed the company of those who had the decency to shut up, mostly. 
I didn’t know how to compromise or meet you half way. I have always been treated like an only child with my parents for along while. I was so special that I didn’t have to share in kindergarten. I don’t know how to change or make compromises, even on the best of intentions. I know you tried to make it work, I did too. But we couldn’t just work. Or we could have been Okay, with extra effort. I don’t put that much effort on my eyebrows, and they mean the world to me. Besides, we were both in our twenties, no time for trying to make some relationship work. 

I talked to my therapist about you. Well, all he does is help me sabotage whatever relationship I get my sexy ass into. He tried ruining mine relationship with coffee, well, all his methods backfired on him. Maybe it’s because coffee is always there, and it never talks back. And it doesn’t try to force me to be anything. Coffee accepts me all the damn time. But, my therapist is always right. He has helped me weed out a bunch of toxic relationship in my life. It’s ironic, I know he is bad for me. He knows he is bad for me.but we just can’t help but have the compulsory 40 minutes a week phone call, anyway. Besides, he makes sense, his school of thought and view of life are mostly flawless. So, when I was in one of my sessions with my therapist, I told him about you. He gave me reasons why I should walk away. According to him;” you are a manipulative excuse for a human being and I deserve better.”well, looks like all I will ever score, relationship wise, is coffee. 

I hope you are happy now

According to my therapist and sometimes best friend slash drinking buddy slash whatever. According to him, other than the fact that you are a manipulative bla bla bla… He thinks I’m more in love with the idea of love than love itself. So, it’s fair to say, I never loved you. It could be worse, he thinks have never loved a soul in my life. Well, story for another day. 

Even though we didn’t become solid, I hope you happy. 

I hope you still read and watch reruns

I hope you find love. I hope you find someone you deserve. I hope you read books that blow your mind. I hope you find someone who doesn’t literally cringe every time you try to have an intimate moment. I hope you find someone who doesn’t literally wipe her hands every time you hold hands and your palms become sweaty. I hope you find someone willing to kiss you under the sun, not just under the moon when the whole world is asleep. I hope you find someone Who loves you, not the idea of you. I hope you find someone who meets you up halfway. I hope you find someone who calls you every night. I hope you find someone who doesn’t switch towns just because she can. I hope you get to live it up without me. 

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