I was raised by very amazing women. I was taught to think for myself and I ended up being a pro choice in almost everything. I even have a long list stashed somewhere labeled ‘SHIT MY MOM SAID’. She is pro life BTW. That didn’t stop her from teaching us to be pro choice. She never forced her religious beliefs on us either, I guess that’s what makes her a great mother. She never let anything get on the way of raising us to be better human beings Maybe that’s why we all turned out mostly alright with survival skills and shit. I feel like a letdown among her kids; being a cliché blogger with a basic degree is overly cliché but at least am pro choice.
When my friends ask for my opinion on pregnancy crisis I always go all pro choice on them giving them perspective on pros and cons of swinging either side. Only once I made someone keep the baby, I literally begged her.Maybe I just wanted to be an aunt and baby Milan not only saved his mother from going insane but he has been a huge blessing in our life. when he walked into our life he made me believe that babies are magical and I get lost in his brown innocent eyes. He has been our anchor and source of joy. I will seriously spoil him when mama bear is not looking. When he is old enough to walk and clean after himself , I’m seriously considering kidnapping him. I like it when women take charge of what they want to do with their bodies. It’s okay if she aborts or carries the baby to term. It is okay to bleach. It’s okay to go for plastic surgery. It’s okay to have implants. Whatever her wardrobe choice suits her, I have no fuckin problem. I guess you see where am going. I do not care what the patriarch considers sin or inappropriate or wrong or right, if you are a woman do with your body whatever you feel works for you.
After abortion there are some things you will feel. First there is relief. Devour this feeling when you still can. It is totally okay to be relieved that you got rid of unwanted pregnancy. Then there will be sadness. Thereafter you have sadness and relief, that will leave you confused; you will wonder how the same thing that gave you relief makes you sad. Here you will spend sleepless nights awake and or even have nightmares. You might even sink into depression. Naturally, your brain will try to block it. It will automatically create a box to hide it and if you not careful, these walls will get too high even for you to scale. No one expects you to grief for an unborn you wanted to get rid of. Today I want you to grief. Weep for your unborn baby. You can write letters or talk to it when you alone or tell your best friend about it. Just grieve. Yes, I know we are supposed to suck it up and move on, after all we are the ones who asked for it. It is like losing a leg when we called for amputation,it still hurts.
After phase one, phase two is all about sharing. Talk about it with someone other than your best friend. You could tell your online friends or your mother. Just learn how to talk about it, you will feel less alone. It is amazing how many women have gone through what you have and are willing to hold your hand without judgment. Just because you are talking about it doesn’t mean our journey ends here. When you think you have overcome it remember it’s just the beginning. There is a huge chance that the women you share with will not judge you, so it is only natural to judge yourself. This is a dangerous road, the only way out is through it. You will toy with suicide, you will consider getting pregnant again and you might start self-destruction. When you get there, it is time to reach out. Support groups and reading articles on aborthion survivors or even books will get you through it. Getting pregnant is band Aid material, DO NOT DO IT. Suicide is seductive but do not go through with it. Self-destruction, a road I know so well is good for nothing, do not walk this path
Phase 3 is all about letting go. You have enjoyed relief. You survived sadness, confusion, grief, pain and most part of the turmoil that comes with abortion. It is time to let go and cleansing. It is time to take your life back. You need to renew your energy. I know a few techniques that can help you cope. Your womb needs cleansing too. Emotions need letting go. You need to feel alive again.
After the emotional turmoil, the next step is cleansing your womb. There are different ways you could do it.
- You can use traditional African healing arts. Visit a female herbalist and explain to her your problem. they always have herbs and teas for this kind of thing. She will encourage you to do a blood cleansing even. Trust her to take care of you. If you lucky to have a senge or lucky enough to know one, it is time to pay them a visit.
- You can go Eastern way, Yoni massage is one of the most effective healing arts of the east end. In Kenya, I have seen several Yoni masseuse or those who understand tantric arts. Yoni massage is orgasmic and nothing deserves a good orgasm more than your womb. It has been through so much stress. Let the masseuse take care of the release. I would advise you pick a female masseuse. There is always a deeper understanding between us females. She should be able to create an environment where you feel safe. You should be able to let go of all negative emotions and self-loathing that may have plagued you for months. All negativity under the sun can be released by a good Yoni massage.
- You could use western arts, sign up for therapy or counseling. Another safe environment to let go, release and renew your energy. Your therapist should be able to guide you to recovery. Sometimes therapy gets hard but it is worth it.
- You could choose to drown your sorrows with vodka. You all know how things end here, though.