In the 22 years have been roaming this godforsaken planet, I have been unsure about many things. I have had my doubts about religion, governments, the system and a bunch of shit I do not remember. Despite being the biggest doubting Thomas of the century, I have only been sure of one thing; NO KIDS FOR ME. It did not matter what the religion of mother demanded or the beliefs of my mentor. Even when the pastor from the church dearest dad sometimes attended preached that our purpose on earth was to fill it or words to that effect, I was not swayed. As a little girl, mom said I was never big on cuddles and hugs. Now as a young adult, the idea of being responsible for another being is scary but it doesn’t scare me if it will be him by my side. That kind of commitment is too much since am a self proclaim flight risk. Recently my parents had another child and am still appalled by their decision. Anyway, I think they take ‘GO FILL THE EARTH’ literally. However, what do I know? While my friends are getting babies am adopting wine bottles and stone pets. While they are getting married am looking for more TV shows to watch and high heels to rock on their weddings. In addition, while they are settling down and building a simple life for themselves, am caressing the atlas wondering where the roads should take me. I know too well that all I need is a one-way ticket and I will be out of this place in a minute.
Then again, when you think you have everything figured out life sends you a surprised, this time round it was blood and bone wrapped in flesh and smart as fuck. he makes me wanna ditch the maps, throw caution to the wind and just marry him. If he asks me to marry him with nothing a grass made ring. He calms my chaos and fuels my passion. He makes settling down and building a home together seem like an adventure and not entirely giving up maps and the world.
He makes me feel like a natural woman. My womb is craving to carry the seeds of his loins. Our kids will have my eyes and I hope they get his voice and intelligence. A cross between my vague memory and his detailed mind should amount to something. I hope good grades are gene transmitted since our kids will need his flawless school record in case I actually take them to school. I hope the laziness gene skips one generation, it is bad enough to have a lazy mother am sure lazy kids will be tragic. I hope they get his multi lingual capabilities. I hope they have his skin color and my perfect eyebrows. One thing should skip a generation, sarcasm and eye rolling. The last thing I want is for my daughter to roll her eyes at me and my son to drop words that reek of sarcasm every time we have a fight. Mommy should roll eyes and daddy to reek of sarcasm.
Then again, as much as having his babies seems appealing I do not think it’s the greatest of ideas. I have had better in the past; reverse sea world where dolphins pet humans is much better than us being parents. Unless we raise them homeless, on the road, with no solid roots and decent education. We will probably make them gay or gypsies. One thing I will make our daughter is to be a free woman. I will show her how to run with the moon and chase wolves. It will be his duty to teach our sons the ways of wolves and the free people.