A Conversation With Wayne That I Want The Internet To Read

Disclaimer 1. Wayne is the blogger of iamrenegadeblog.wordpress.com. You should totally check his blog. The boy isn’t good he is great. He gives fiction a new named.

Disclaimer 2. The conversation you are about to read may sound like we are best friends. No we are not. Maybe siblings. Probably my brother from another mother. No we are not cool siblings who love each other. We are typical siblings. We obviously fight more than anything. Yes. We hate each other’s company and can barely tolerate one another, a day together, not fighting,is obviously stretching it. Fun fact: we also hate everyone. So it’s kinda hard not to hangout. Tough. I know.

Disclaimer 3. Wayne doesn’t know I talk about him online. Tell him and I will kill you.

McDzan: hey stranger 

(McDzan is not a pet name. He named himself. Alter ego something something or maybe he hates his birth given name. I will tell you this for free,he hates his baptismal name more)

Dee: Hey back. How have you been?

McDzan: Whatever.

Dee: Don’t start with That attitude. I kinda missed you,you know 

McDzan: What attitude?

Dee: Whatever 

McDzan: uhu uhu…

Dee: Thanks for texting BTW.. I had something to ask. No it’s not a favor. More like a salon topic 

McDzan: ehe?

Dee: Do you think people change?

McDzan: No

Dee: Can you try explaining using more than one word?

McDzan:No. They don’t change.

Dee: Double negation? Progress.

McDzan:I know, right?

Dee: You will have to indulge me. Call if you want. Stop texting like it’s that time of the month.

McDzan: Hahaha .. look who is back. The hormonal bitch is back

Dee: go on boy. Indulge me

McDzan: Ask nicely.

Dee: Please Wayne. Please Wayne. Indulge me 

McDzan: Good girl.. So, people don’t change. That’s a fact. They might evolve probably. They might adjust. But they don’t change. Like they say read Claire North  people are just people doing people’s things. Sometimes they screw up. Sometimes they do good. People are not good or bad they are just people. Does that answer your question? I need to go back to watch Green lantern. 

(Worst movie ever)

Dee: I think people evolve.

McDzan: I thought I said that.

Dee: That should count for something.

McDzan: Of course it does.

Dee: indulge me

McDzan: How long do I need to be here before I can go back to my movie?.

Dee: When you give me something solid, Mr. I did psychology and I would rather do everything than indulge you.

McDzan: fine. People don’t change.it doesn’t matter how you look at it. Do With that whatever you want. I’m bored. Ciao Bella 

Dee. Bye .

PS. I’m only Dee when it comes to Wayne. No it’s not a pet name. Just like he is McDzan . 

(Excerpt from the book I will never write)

Advertisements

Book Quotes From A Book I Once Read

  1. My three goals are to eat, survive and have a good coat
  2. You have the possibility to make your life beautiful, but possibility is not forever and it’s not immediate.
  3. When you love someone they always smell good. 
  4. Sometimes you have to cheat on your wife and sometimes you have to get back to her. 
  5. People watch real life the way they do TV, sitting in an arm chair, drinking beer and talking over commercials. 
  6. Being hateful is satisfying. That way people watch you closely and then they want to soothe your sorrows and make you a better person. 
  7. People never change their Mondus Operandi. 

    MONARCH,Killing My God

    Dedication

    For the forgotten, thanks for the memories.
    For Maria, whether you know it or not, this story is because of you. Grazie mille.

    epigraph 
    I’ve walked this road for hours

    To the white hills and the oceans

    I search for solace in this toxic land of sin

    asking alexandria, dear insanity  
    I shave, sir. I have a driver’s license, I have won a couple of fist fights; I saved a life, I’ve lain with a woman, I’ve been hustled at pool, I’ve defied my father’s wishes, I have broken hearts and I have been heartbroken, so by all the markers of this society, I am a grown man

    dr. clark edison, bones season 3 episode 13,

    “My memory,” I replied, “is perfect. I remember everything from when I first had the consciousness to understand that this was recollection. I cannot remember being born; perhaps the brain is simply not developed enough to understand the event. But I remember dying. I remember the moment when it stops.”
    Claire North, The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August 

     KILLING MY GOD

    Birth isn’t just one thing, never just one moment. No, I refuse to believe anything else, ignore everything contrary. Birth is a process, a state of being, a transition from one thing to another. Now that, that is an idea I can get behind. We don’t get born, we become.

    My earliest memory was of my birth, of my becoming, my startling transition from before to after. I woke up to noise and pollution. People were staring, pointing, taking pictures. It goes without saying, I was born famous. My first impression of the world around me was of filth. 

    The way I hear it told, I was born a king, a child offered to the skies by a heap of rubbish and other similar discarded toys, like me, broken, unwanted. They held me up proudly, exposed to the world beneath us, the world that had so callously discarded us. I didn’t mind then. It didn’t occur to me to mind anything then.

    My clothes were tattered, torn in different places, whether by accident or by design I don’t remember. I remember blood, blotches of red and pink against my tattered shirt. Every joint in my body ached, making any slight movement torture. As such, I couldn’t really investigate the extent of the damage to my person. The flies buzzed all over me, a slight nuisance over the deafening morbid curiosity of the throng gathered to witness my coronation. I moved, sitting upright and they gasped, matching the stab of pain that ran through my body. For a long extended moment, I said nothing, and neither did they. We remained in an impasse, them staring at me while I looked back, unblinking, unaware.

    It took a while but finally somebody broke through the crowd. She was clothed in white, head to toe, her hair covered. The ground beneath her feet seemed tainted by her very presence, not that she seemed to mind. She got close enough to me and offered her hand. In response, I stared back at her, incomprehensive. I tilted my head to the side, an unconscious gesture. In response she opened her mouth and said something, I don’t remember what. A part of me was pretty sure I should understand her, get what she was saying yet for some reason I didn’t. I tilted my head some more and she smiled in reply, her hand still outstretched towards me.

    I don’t remember what prompted me to stand up, or whatever made me think it was a good idea to begin with. Maybe it was her smile, brilliant and inviting. Maybe it was the crowd beneath us, staring, their silence screaming at me. I don’t suppose it matters what it was. I was on my feet before I knew what it was I was doing, before I fully understood the consequences of my own actions. I stood for a fraction of a second before teetering over. One moment the ground, my kindred souls among them, was rushing towards me, the next I was in her arms. The last thing I remembered before passing out was how unfortunate it was her clothes were no longer white.

    I woke up for the second time in my life in yet another strange environment.  The rooms were white; clean to the point I could swear I saw my reflection on it. I was lying on something soft and comfortable, the most comfort I had felt in my young life as it was. I looked around, my eyes still heavy from something I am sure they had given me. I had no point of comparison so I couldn’t be certain how big the room was. There was a chair beside the bed. The woman from the before was seated there, book in hand (yes, I knew what a book was), attention completely held by it. She looked up the moment I twitched, her book forgotten. There was worry and concern in her face, and for a moment another image threatened to superimpose itself on hers. Only for a moment. 

    “Are you okay?” 

    This time I heard her speak. I understood her, every word she was saying. I didn’t have a threshold on which to gauge what okay felt like so I nodded. I was better than I had been before.

    “The doctors said you fainted because you hadn’t eaten for days. Do you remember what happened?”

    I tried. I swear to God I tried. Memory is easy. All you have to do is close your eyes and it all comes rushing in. All I got was a headache. I let out a groan as I shook my head.

    “I am sorry but I have to ask. Your name. Do you know your name?”

    This time the headache sent me spiralling back into the darkness.
    I dreamt. I know I dreamt but what it was I don’t remember, not even now. I know it was important though because the headaches follow every time I try to remember. I woke up to the sound of a camera shutter going off. She isn’t there. I know even before I open my eyes and it scares me. For a moment I can’t breathe, I am gasping for breath, clawing against the constraints of my hospital gown. The machine I am hooked on starts going crazy and for a moment I am sure I am going to die. For a moment I remember. Just for a moment and then it is gone.  

    She swept into the room like an avenging angel. She saw me first, thrashing on my bed. Even in my state I could see the agony etched on her face. Ignoring the intruder she heads towards me, her hand finding mine and all is well again.  

     The camera shutters, more rapid now, are in the background like white noise. My brain registers it, barely like an echo, unimportant, irrelevant. Then she stands up, turning away from me. 

    “You are going to hand me that camera and you are going to leave. Now.”

    Her voice is calm, soft even.

    Telephone Conversation

    Hello

    Hello, and am talking to? 

    Oh.. You probably don’t remember me or my voice has change or…. 

    Stop right there, hello beautiful. 

    You call everyone beautiful? 

    No, silly. Stop rambling. How have you been beautiful Riri. 

    Aawww… You remember? (I respond with fake enthusiasm). I’m doing Okay. You? Glad my voice hasn’t change much. 

    I’m Okay too. We haven’t talked for a while but I make a point of reading your posts online. You haven’t changed a bit girl… 

    Hahaha… I take that as a compliment. 

    I meant it as a compliment… You still the same wild carefree girl I used to know. We don’t talk and stuff but your free spiritedness spills in the words you bleed. 

    Thanks again. You should read the ones I don’t post… Ooh and am really glad you take your sweet time to read by the by. 

    I’m your number one fan… And it’s never a sad moment going through your posts… Sometimes I try to figure out what your source of inspiration could have been. 

    It has always been you… My muse, you know. 

    Hahaha..you pray with  that mouth?  You lying little brat. 

    Hahahahaha… Am not a brat. Maybe am lying a little but sometimes you are my inspiration. 

    So, why did you call me? After like forever.
    Because we are going for an adventure. Am flying you to Dubai.. 

    What? Why? 

    Because many years ago we made a promise.. 

    I remember. We were to go to Dubai together bla bla bla … 

    Yes.. 

    … But we are not young anymore. I have work, kids and a sweet woman by my side. 

    I know that much. I called your boss. You are sick and cannot go to work so better play . oh i also called your wife, emergency work trip. She is packing your stuff already. 

    What…. You are going to get me fired and divorced all under ten minutes? 

    No.. god no, I wouldn’t do that. It just felt like the right thing to do… 

    You are totally crazy. What makes you think I will come with you? And I never told you where I work.. 
    Because you promised. That’s why. And the internet is a beautiful place plus I did my homework. And not in a weird crazy stalker kind of way.. 

    That was like more than ten years ago.. When we made Dubai plans girl! 

    15.. 

    Yea, you were 22. Thanks for reminding me how old I am . 

    So… 

    Okay, when are we leaving? 

    You are leaving tonight at 2000hrs 

    TF.. Where are you? 

    France.. I will meet you there. 

    Okay. Let’s do Dubai. 

    See you then. 

    Before you hang up… You owe me so much.. 

    I owe you nothing, silly.. 

    Excerpt From The Book I Will Never Write

    Hi, how are you doing? 

    I’m fine. Been good.here and there. You? 

    I’m fine. Married? Kids? 

    Hahaha… None. I have a couple of pups, a pug and a few cats. You? 

    Married, with a few kids and a beautiful wife. 

    Wow, good stuff. Congratulations. 

    It’s not a bed of roses, but am getting by. You know what they say about family? 

    That it’s forever…. 

    Exactly. What keeps you going? 

    I married my career and I work for my cats and dog we don’t want them dying of starvation now, right? My god, I love them. 

    Life alone, huh? 

    Uhu uhu… I took your advice. I only get to live for me.it’s peaceful. 

    I guess

    Yea, you will never know.  I wanted to do forever with you.. . You ran. 

    I stopped running. 

    She must be special. 

    Well, you were special. 

    Hahaha.. Now that’s funny. Anyway, conquered your demons? 

    Nope, I suppress them. They can’t come out to play with her and the kids around. 

    Double standards. I see. You write this days? 

    Nope. Never started. You? 

    I dabble. I have a few books. A memoir will be out soon. Don’t bother reading, it’s mostly about my dogs and cat. 

    I will read. 

    It’s anonymous, no one knows it’s me. 

    You never stopped running? 

    My demons still chase, how can I stop when they keep chasing? 

    I know, right? 

    Totally! 

    I missed you. 

    I missed you too. Maybe we should go to my place? 

    I would love to go and break my vows, but I think I will pass. 

    What!!. you keep your promises these days? 

    I surprise myself too. 

    Anyway, I wanted you to meet my pug, I named her after someone special. 

    That would be…..

    Come to my place sometime. 

    I’m not making any promises. 

    Okay. 

    Okay. 

    You look good by the by. 

    I know, right? It’s amazing what plastic surgery can do. 

    Hahaha.. To quote Dolly Parton, “if something hangs or sags you suck it…. Or something close to those lines. 

    You remember? That’s my icon all the way. 

    I remember everything about you. Told ya that you special. Remember? 

    Hahaha.. Full of flatteries still? 

    Don’t be dramatic. 

    Bye, I will see you soon. Cats to feed, dogs to clean and people to kill. Say hello to your family. 

    You too, bye beautiful. 

     

    Two Instances Jane Austen Understood Me In The Book ‘Pride and Prejudice’

    1. ​”In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”
    2. “There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit or sense. I have met with two instances lately, one I will not mention; the other is Charlotte’s marriage. It is unaccountable! In every view it is unaccountable!”