On Clients and In Betweens Of Being Your Own Boss 

So, the journey of being your own boss comes with challenges, who would have thought? I am still new in the game,still learning the ropes of the business.I am in the shoe industry, just in case you didn’t know. Ankara and custom made shoes to be precise.
I heard somewhere that the principles of business is the same everywhere and all you have to do is figure them out, apply them and thereafter, everything else works with the same principle. Well, where I come from we believe in the power of books or is it information? So, before I started my business, I read books from several fields, books written by economist, psychologist, marketers and heavens knows what other related fields. I thought those books will on the least, help me with basic principles of the business and all. Imagine my surprise when it hit me that I had to learn everything from FUCKING scratch. So far so good, still learning, still trying. Haven’t put a bullet through my brains yet, you know. Progress.
Today am in the mood of talking about customers or clients. If you are a start up, the worst clients are your friends or so I found out. I should have known from the start, or I should have taken the advice from that book I don’t remember that somehow stated that friends will be your first clients,and they will grandly ruin you. I mean,some of my friends have been awesome and paid up and all. Most of them did let me down. Some paying half the money,others none and some placing orders and then somehow changing their mind. I mean,what the fuck, why give specifics of a shoe then somehow change your mind? You do realize, it will take a century to have another you with such a poor taste in shoe,right? The reason we custom make shoes is so that we include our clients in the process of creation. I have over fifteen pairs of shoes lying somewhere in my house that I have no fucking idea what to do with them. I can’t even wear them, maybe I will go to shagz(my village) and I might get lucky to find a few feets willing to wear them, donate them for Christmas or something.
They say the client is always right. I know. Some clients I found online bought our products and gave us both positive and constructive critics that I did appreciate. Perfection is our aim and with such criticism we will definitely achieve perfection. If a client doesn’t like a product, that is totally alright. I don’t see how clients are right when they give you specifics of what they want then fail to pick up their goddamn orders.
Then the ones who outright refuse to pay. That was a mistake on my side. I am learning. Soon, I will get better at the game, like everyone else. Apparently, no one escapes bad debts, it’s part of the game.
On the days I feel like giving up, someone restores my faith in humanity in one way or another.
Until next time friends. I will keep updating you on my journey of being my own boss. Tough, I know. We carry on.
Namaste.

Dear Libra 

You is broke.


You is barely surviving.


You is in debts.


You is behind on rent.


You is losing friends 


You is losing money.


You is trying to lose weight and failing seriously.


You is failing in almost everything.


You is finding it impossible to get a job.


You is almost losing your house.


You is having a hard year.


Worry not… survive 2017. We had an easy 2016, in retrospect. It’s alright. It’s written on the stars. 2017 was meant to humble us. We are a proud lot, it was bound to happen someday. 


Let’s get through 2017.


After all odd numbers have always done a number on us.


2018 we will reclaim our lives, our dignity and most importantly, our pride.


We have survived 4 months, 8 to go or less. Maybe when it gets to September, our star will change things and we will reclaim all we have lost 


So we sip our morning coffee. We sip our wine. We empty cups and glasses. We get by. We survive. Something will give,maybe, or maybe it won’t but we won’t break. We are stronger than most. It’s just 2017,duh”. The worst that could happen is not survive 2017 you know.


Namaste 

FAQ GUIDE ON HOW TO HANDLE ‘AN OFF PHONE’ SITUATION 

If you have ever tried to reach someone on phone and you realize their phone is off. According to someone someone you don’t need to keep trying to reach them. 

Q. How do you handle ‘an off phone’ situation?

A. You don’t keep calling 

Q. Where is that coming from?

A. I was just getting the,”keep calling” approach out of the way.

Q. What if I keep calling?

A. What if ostriches could fly?

Q. You can’t answer a question with a question.

A. Is that a question?I mean you posing a statement. Should I have an answer for a statement too?

Q. Yes and No.

A. No.

Q. What?

A. As I was saying, calling an already off phone is obviously pointless.

Q. So what is the alternative?

A. There is this new thing in town called texting. You should try it sometime.
Q. What if I keep trying until they come back on so I could whine about their phone being off?

A. I think it’s a waste of time . 

Q. The whine or calling?

A. You are hopeless.

Q. You think am stupid.

A. Yes and no. It depends who is asking 

Q. I’m asking. 

A. Yes.

Q.why would someone switch off their phone?

A. It could be they didn’t, it could be they did. Who knows. It’s their phone 

Q. Why do you switch off your phone?

A. I don’t. But the right answer, should be, because it’s my phone.

Q. Is it because you don’t want to be found?

A. That could be a possibility. But usually if I don’t want a specific someone to find me I don’t switch off. I outright hang up on them.

Q. Don’t you think thats a little rude?

A. It’s called being real.

Q. Even when it’s rude?

A. I’m courteous. Before i say,”fuck you” I use please. I was raised r right. 

Q. Hahaha.  I see . You were raised in a right barn.

A. Hahaha…yes. The barn.

PS. Honestly, this guide should be used in all,’off phone ‘ situation.

Letters To No One From A Retired Party Girl

I loved the parties, my god, I did. At no one point did I think I would ever quit. Not even in my best nightmare. I loved everything about partying; I loved the way people are happy even in dingy barrooms. I loved the honesty, rawness and vulnerability after a little liquid confidence. I think am obsessed with human emotions. That should explain why I write about human emotions; Love, hate, indifference etc. I’m fascinated by human behavior and generally the human race. all this things are raw at 2 a.m in a non alcoholic night and anytime after 11p.m in barrooms. I loved how a total stranger could tell you their secret and you might never see them again but you will walk away with a part of them they hide from the world forever( I love collecting stories and the next best thing after books. The Good Book included is anywhere alcohol is served. ) I love how girls took care of each other in clubs bathrooms. You will fully appreciate being female in that damn bathroom I promise. There’s some about drunk bathroom moments that is too good to be true.
There was a year I was off alcohol read pretended to not drink because I desperately wanted someone to stay in my life. It didn’t work , they married someone else. Pretend for it. In retrospect, that was an interesting year, I partied as much just without touching alcohol. That was the year I learnt to dance in public sober and I collected more stories. It was fun turning down free drinks though my girls will disagree… I have never turned down a free drink because no one ever offered. The only free drinks I ever had were from friends which BTW they are never entirely free. Or the ones I stole from parties when they let me make their cocktails.
I found a way to feed my quest of capturing human emotions that does not involve barrooms. Healthier ways, even. There was nothing left for Me there now. Now I’m no longer a party girl just a girl who sometimes shows up for parties, because, somehow, in a sleep induced haze or in an uncaffeinated moment of weakness I might have agreed to show up. I still have a modestly enough good time it’s not entirely painful. Though I would rather sleep in and read a book. I still force people to take shots. If you made me dress up instead of sleeping in, you better shove shots down your throat until you start puking. It’s called good Karma. Duh
Do I miss the parties? Hell yes. Do I want to go back? Hell No. I had my fill now am over it. Unless the joint has fine coffee and Wi-Fi, then honey, I can be persuaded. Otherwise , it’s a definite No. There was a time when all it took was a promise of alcohol and I was grabbing lipstick, fixing my hair, showering even, rocking heels and doing the tiniest of mini skirts. Daddy’s issues, I know,Right? I mean am all legs but I used not to let an opportunity to flaunt my legs pass by. No. I was never raped, they lied to us that if you wear miniskirts you will be sexually assaulted. Rapists will come after you with or without mini skirts. That’s beside the point,anyway, even though there’s no point. These days even a promise of good Wi-Fi sometimes doesn’t seem to cut it.
I don’t know what happened to me. I always did hate human touch though I enjoyed interacting with humans. Now I can’t even handle talking on phone with more than three people per day….and family is not on that list, let’s stick to the once in two weeks or wait for family reunion, 25th of December is such a good time to catch up. I missed last year’s Christmas, this year I promise to show up, okay,?I feel old. Partying feels like a real job. damn!
For a party girl out there. Keep doing it. You will have the best stories when the party is over. I promise.
Honestly, I forgot where I was going with this. There’s no point.

What I Think Monogamy Is About 

Disclaimer 1: This is my opinion and not the absolute truth but the truth as I see it. It’s what most people call opinion.
Disclaimer 2: My truth was realized through personal experiences, stories i collected from friends and strangers. 

The entire concept of Monogamous relationships is based on; one man one woman or one woman one woman or one man one man ratio. It’s believed that parties involved have romantic relations with their partners and only their partners. It’s frowned upon if anyone involved gets involved romantically with someone else. That’s what they call cheating. People in Monogamous relationships are expected to go through life with one person for life. Crazy,right? People are crazy. 

Riri 

Here is unedited opinion of what monogamy is about from a girl fro.a very small town and how she thinks it works:

  1.  If you don’t get caught then You didn’t do it. If you asked you can deny deny deny. You are allowed to do what may upset your partner as long as you don’t get caught.
  2. Cheating doesn’t necessarily involved an affair. Sometimes it’s watching”our show”  without your partner or going for an adventure you had planned together without them. Sometimes harmless flirting can be viewed as cheating. Having a minor attraction towards a stranger might be viewed as betrayal.Deleting personal emails and messages might cause suspicion. Just to mention a few forms of cheating. Sometimes it’s actually having an affair. Basically, it involves a lot of half truths. killing your truth so you don’t upset your partner and avoid conflict as much as possible.
  3. It’s about compromise. Like preparing both coffee and tea because your partner prefers tea with two spoons of sugar for breakfast and you can’t survive without your morning coffee. It’s about waking up for morning Glory when you would rather really sleep. Showing up with sweatpants and heels on your date night because you promised you will show up though you don’t feel like dressing up and it’s about them letting you because they understand that sometimes you feel not so human. It’s About”running for Mau marathon” because they scored free tickets and you can’t let them down because of the effort they input to get those tickets even though you would rather do TV  shows Marathon. 
  4. It is about pretending you like your anniversary gift. Even though you wish you could switch gifts and everyone to keep what they got the other.
  5. Staying on phone to have a conversation when one of you skips town and talk about stuff. Sometimes you have to set an alarm when you are in different time zones for that ten minutes phonecall. 
  6. Showering together not because it’s romantic or You have turned into some environment enthusiast where you both are saving water or something as cool but because no one likes showering in a used bathroom.
  7. It’s about sharing friends..ghaaa… That leaves a bad taste in my mouth though it happens. You get to hangout together so much that you start sharing friends. Which comes with a lot of;she said,he said scenarios mord often than you care to admit. you somehow find a way to work around that. When you break one of you will keep the friends,messy! I know.
  8. Sometimes your partner becomes the center of your world. They become your cheerleader. They play on your team. They play for keeps. They pick you up. They take care of you when you sick. Basically, they become your person and you even forget how your life used to be without them. 
  9. It’s about building a life together and planning a future together. Compromising and sacrificing even tailoring your dreams and plans to suit each other 
  10. It is about finding a way of respecting personal space. Being careful not to neglect their needs and not crowding them too much to suffocate them. It’s tough,i know. But a healthy relationship needs balance of energies .
  11. It’s about open communication. Communicating is key. Talking about stuff might help. I used to do bikini wax once I was home for holidays and I didn’t shave. When i got back I was panicking because i hadn’t taken care of my flower for a while. When we were at it he said he could feel my pubes. I was scared and insecure the entire time. The next day I shaved. Apparently he liked my pubes but I was so used to shaving. I would have saved my soul trouble of shaving with a simple communication. Dammit! 

PS. My journey on understanding human relationships continue. You can email, comment or share. Tell me your thoughts. I like hearing from you.

Special Thanks To My Brothers And Sisters From The Lake 

Thank you for restoring my faith in humanity. I can honestly say you people have proved to me over and over again that humans are not that far gone. That they can be saved. That humans still have some humanity left in them. It’s either i have been lucky so many times or they are just good people.
Today it kinda proved that you people are just nice. I misplaced my fare read too confused to find it. When the conductor started harassing me a girl, let’s call her Adhiambo offered to pay. When I was a little settled in and found the said money, I tried paying her back but she said I should help someone in future because things happen to everyone.
I walked home thinking how kind people from the Lake have been kind to me. My wife(or the girl I would move in with if we are forty and still single. I also don’t need to have kids because she will have enough for two). I’m talking about my soul sister or soulful as it gets…Vinerose. The only girl whom I know got my back more than anyone and she even defends my honour when am not around. she was my roommate in campus and no girl alive has got me out of the line of fire more times than I care to count. I know she can take a bullet for me but I would rather die than let the most beautiful soul die in my stead. And just so you know she is a Luo. 

My English teachers through and through have been Luo’s. Sorry for embarrassing you with all the bogus blogging have been doing. You people did a good job. Thanks for making love books. Thanks for the free books. Thanks for all the unlimited opportunities of writings y’all all separately and independently gave me. Thanks for believing in me enough to give me a chance to create. None of you teachers ever asked me to change my style. You actually made me believe in myself. I might be embarrassing your efforts online but bare with me.
Then all the times a stranger or a friend came through for me,it has always been people from the Lake. Marya and Collins made my attachment bearable. My first day was horrible but you two made me feel at home or as at home as hospitals could feel and not just another outsider that showed up late for her attachment with some lame excuse. Not entirely lame because this is Kenya and exams are legit reasons to miss anything even open court. But what do I know? You two were the safety net that he got me through the hellish three months. you had no obligation to hold my hand but you did it so selflessly. Does it have anything to do with being a Luo? 
I have walked into offices looking for one thing or another and all the time it was a Luo in office I got instant assistance. I’m not Luo so there’s no way that it has anything to do with being one of their own. 
There was a girl from our class called Jenny. I was lucky to know her in a personal level. When she loved, she loves for real. When she hated, it was for real. She was never a pretender. Then you wonder why I respect Luo’s and admire them in equal measure?

Haven’t met anyone with I integrity more than a Luo. Their pride comes with integrity, hardwork and selflessness. They don’t even cheat in exams. They don’t steal. most are not corrupt. And they are loyal as fuck. You have found a real friend or real enemy if it’s someone from the Lake. They are not beggars. They are givers. They live by what they make. They might be good with their voice and throwing Stones but it is always for something they honestly believe in. Something they have earned. They don’t steal from anyone so they wonder why someone would short change them and when they retaliate then it’s never a pretty picture. 
Respect to all Luo’s out there!!

An Open Letter To The Generation That Raised Millennials 

Everyone below 35 is somewhat a Millennial but 30somethings aren’t that affected. I will stick to talking for twenty somethings because I understand the full capacity for being misunderstood. I feel like Jack in the Titanic where the only thing keeping me afloat is a darn piece of wood. Barely surviving. I know what’s like to be a twenty something these days.
First I want you to know that we are not lazy. We are probably depressed that’s why we sometimes sleep our life away. We hide in our rooms because we are not emotionally equipped to hangout with people all the time, some of us need time alone to get by. We like being left alone to sought out our emotions just in case you haven’t noticed we have so much to deal with.We are the Generation that was raised with house helps,cartoon and the internet. we are the Generation that our parents were too busy working they didn’t get to actually get to know us. we are the Generation that was raised with parents, broken homes, unavailable parents and excess homework. Then you wonder why we have so many issues. daddy’s issues, mommy’s issues, anxiety, depression, abandonment issues, bipolar, neurosis and other issues that only therapist can pronounce. Yes. We are fucked up.No ma’am I just can’t get over depression or anxiety. No ma’am I just can’t stop cross dressing I feel confident wearing ‘men clothes ‘ and I would rather do lipstick even though am a boy. I can’t get over by being in love with same gender and it’s not something you pray about. If you think we created all these issues for ourselves remember that you the people that Raised us. We literally inherited and or copied them from you. What does that say about your parenting skills if we are lazy with unending issues?
Yes. We invented selfies and active social media life.But you the Generation that ruined the system. You ran down workers unions, inflated the economy, ruined pension, increased interest on students loan, made college extremely expensive and still managed to make policies that only suits you. I would rather sleep peacefully with our Instagram and selfies than lie in your bed of leaving  “terrible children for our earth and horrible earth for our children.” By terrible children I mean not full functioning humans because of unending mental health issues.

Yes. We are broke. We still ask for rent or live at home because whatever you did to the economy to get rich is exactly what’s making us poor. For starters, the Constitution that you adopted…a small country like Kenya to have 47 counties,what were you thinking? How did you imagine you would pay salaries and allowances by the way? The wage bill that was suppose to make our lives a little bit liveable you tamed it in Parliament because it doesn’t work for you. Why did you run down workers union and replaced it with bloody sucking soul crashing pyramid schemes with the name of professional but boards to run the show? Oh and you did this through the act of Parliament, so now that’s law and we can’t do anything about it. We have our degrees, our diplomas, our Masters with no hope for employment. A single job gets an average of 50 applicants for one position.Yes,you think we should start our own business… with what capital when we have HELB on our necks and you get listed on CRB with an Mshwari loan of 200 ksh. Business premises have ridiculous Goodwill rates and high rent it will be a miracle to survive out there. How do you people sleep at night? Corruption on the rise. You take the saying man eat society literally. You honestly don’t care.


No. We don’t think we are entitled. Your little survey on how we switch careers, write blog posts like this and constantly complain doesn’t hold any water. Look at the pot calling the kettle black. You the Generation that runs on titles. You want to be the who’s and who’s it doesn’t matter how many toes you stepped on. You steal everything just to make a name for yourselves. Public funds disappear, office funds disappear, employees privilege funds ran dry. You only care about how much you and your buddys get out of everything. You even have the guts to ask for sexual favors and or bribes for the limited jobs available and you call us selfish? What tinted glass are you people viewing the world from BTW? I would like to see what you see when you see us but from where we are standing….. we weep for you.Its pity. Again she asks…how do you sleep at night? If we have sugar babies all over it’s because you created an environment that supports that stop condemning us for your mistakes. 

Listen to me. we want to get married, have a family someday and even kids. The reason why we not dating just having sex and moving on is because we can’t even afford dating. How will we afford a home and have kids? We can’t even pay for wedding, remember the couple that did a wedding worth 100 ksh? Yes. Those are Millennials and you were all over social media trying to save them. In case you didn’t notice,most of us are going through the same.The only way I can reach my significant other is through the phone and we can’t afford to see each more than once a year. No. We can’t move in together because we are poor. You think we haven’t explored our options and wondered what a time to fall in love. Yes. What a time? We want to have all those things because other than NB being Millennials we are basic human beings. We say we won’t have kids because we can’t afford and when we do I have a feeling it might be too late. It’s not a badge of honor to be broke. Unlike you, we want to give our children better lives and when we see our shortcomings will only fuck them up then the wise thing to do is not have them.
We have a lot of cleaning up to do. Maybe we should start a revolution. Maybe we should publish blogs and get on with our lives and hope someday we will fix all the things you broke. Maybe we will actually do the right thing and save ourselves and our children. We might even save our planet from your sins and global warming. Yes, we will make our mistakes but I hope somehow it won’t be this bad to be a twenty something in future. I hope the transition of the world into a global village will produce positive results someday and things won’t be That bad for the next generation. For now we make do with what we have and hope to God we see another day.
Funny thing as much as you screwed us we won’t revenge when you finally retire that’s if you ever now that you retire at 60 with a hefty pension and get hired again as experts or run for political posts and heaven knows what. As in you never really retire. Not for sure. I digress.