Broken Hearted 

It’s been a month now since I last tasted you.  Our unbreakable relationship was breakeable, after all, I didn’t see that coming . I thought you were my forever.  The one that gets to stay till am old and senile and stay some more till my last breath. The one I get to taste every bitter cold morning and sweet sunny morning alike. You were supposed to be the kind of love I get to write cheesy blog post and post pictures on instagram with cheesy captions like “I love you to the moon and back” or “I love you to infinity and beyond , you are mine “. That kind of thing. My person. Well, this is the twenty first century, and we show affection through social media, our version of PDA. That is also how we officiate  relationships,by god, you are all over my timelines. The twenty first century is full of lazy pricks, seriously, we are lazy. Love translates to silly captions on selfies and status. I think I like our version of love, superficial , no depth, zero effort. Look at me writing you off  with a single blog post even though our relationship had depth and seemed solid enough while it lasted. I thought we were inseparable all these years,but then again, shit happens, all the time. 
I will give the internet a little history about us and how we became an item. We met long time ago but in the year  2012 we became an item, official even. If memory serves me right, 2012 was the year I had a crazy transition. I was fresh out of highschool, applying for college and all. Getting into college,  my then boyfriend cheating on me, hormones were all over the place,basically,being me was unbearable .  The world was supposedly coming to an end, we all can agree that  2012 had a few weird shit going on, some call it the year of jubilee, and not in the Kenyan version of poltics but more in the line of spiritual BS.  In all that madness, our long term relationship began. I mean,i knew you were awesome she’s you also, got me through that terrible year and many more that came.  

Since the day we became lovers,  my life has never been the same. You did kickstar my day with a good jolt, when my sleepy lips met yours, I knew in a few minutes I will obviously be ready to face the world. I was strong as long as I had you.  On the nights I needed to stay up and study, you were there,you kept me company.  When my depression kicked in, every taste of you on my lips reminded me to be strong.  You cheered me on.  Held my hand . On the days I was too tired to do shit, I did reach out for you, you always showed up, we would  sleep in and watch bad TV or read a book or basically do nothing. You also kept me well fed, or as fed as your limited capacity could manage. If I needed to deal with humanity, you gave me all the patience I needed. If I wanted to see my friends, you were always ready to give a  helping hand.  Then when our relationship was going strong, I discovered that you did  mix  better with whiskey and friends. 
Basically, you were my lover, my friend, my sponsor, my best friend,  my social adviser, my social manager, my therapist and the reason I had a social life. You made my life awesome.  You made me a people’s person.  You made me feel human, most days. Of all my past lovers, I bet you  be missed the most. 

Our relationship was bitter sweet, then we evolved  to bitter awesome. I never liked you with milk, even when you obviously tasted better, straight up black and strong . Our love was addictive, at least for me,you were fucking addictive. The type of love poets write sonnets about- perfectly imperfect covers it. I did cheat on you you severally with unworthy beings like;milk,  water, chocolate, tea, juice…….. I also did cheat on you with beings, I wouldn’t say they were in your league but on their own level they wereworthy, this included; whiskey(sloppy lover ),wine(such a good lover ), vodka (good for a night ) tequila (good for the nights you don’t want to remember ), and beer( they say that one is an acquired taste, I agree with  them,sadly) . my dear coffee,  you were always there, no matter my other indulgence,you were my person, my one true lover. You were there for me,always. Cleaning up after the likes of alcohol most times.  We weren’t perfect together I know.  Like you ruined my skin, dehydrated my body,  addictive and all.  None of us was perfect for the other, but love, love wins, always.

Then last month something broke.  I had food poisoning and just like that we were over. It must have been the fact that I had you that morning like every other morning and my mind can’t stop associating you with that horrible experience or it could be the fact that you didn’t mix well with my prescription drugs. Either way, I can’t seem to be able to have you.  I now ppget a gag reflex every time I try so I stopped.  I guess this is goodbye. Till we meet again in future, maybe it will be in Paris, and the city of love and lights will get us back together. 


Lyrics From Country Music That Made Us Feel Understood About Life and Love 

  • The vows go unbroken by Kenny Rogers-

    From the moment I met you,

    You made my life complete.

    This wave of pure devotion,

    Has swept me off my feet.

    And tonight when we kissed,

    You still took my breath away.

    It goes without saying,

    But I’ll say it anyway…

    The vows go un-broken – and you still know I do.

    Love, keep and honor – always true to you.

    Though I have been tempted,

    Oh I have never strayed.

    I’d die before I’d damage,

    This union we have made.”

    •          Second violin by Bagatalle-

     “I would have given you

    Anything that you wanted

    I would have taken you

    Anywhere you wanted to go

    I would have answered you

    Any question that you asked me

    I would have told you

    Anything you wanted to know

    We used to live

    Like there was gonna be no tomorrow

    As if a new day

    Wasn’t gonna begin

    But the light in your eyes

    Has gone and said good bye

    And I don’t wanna be

    Your second violin

    The little things you do

    I still keep them in my memory

    And little things you said

    I still keep them in my mind

    The times we had were good

    And we never had a problem

    Times that we’re leaving

    So very very far behind”

    •          The Truth- Jason Aldean 

    Tell ’em all I’m on vacation

    Say I went to visit friends

    That you ain’t heard or seen from me in quite a while

    When they ask you where I’ve been

    Tell ’em I’m out on the West Coast

    Where it don’t ever rain

    And that I’m probably doing fine

    Just don’t tell ’em I’ve gone crazy

    That I’m still strung out over you

    Tell ’em anythin’ you want to

    Just don’t tell ’em all the truth

    Yeah, don’t tell ’em all the truth

    Tell ’em all I’m out in Vegas

    Blowin’ every dollar I ever made

    Tell ’em that I must be into somethin’ bad for me

    ‘Cause I sure lost a lot of weight

    Tell ’em I’m out on the road

    With some old rock and roll band

    Living like a gypsy can

    The truth is that I’m askin’ you to lie

    And we both know that it ain’t right

    But if you ever loved me

    Please have some mercy on me”

    • Cologne by Dolly Parton –

    “You ask me not to wear cologne

    She’ll know you’ve been with me alone

    And you can’t take our secret home

    So you ask me not to wear cologne

    You can wipe the make up off

    The lipstick or a little gloss

    But fragrance lingers on and on

    So you ask me not to wear cologne

    You leave my bed and go to hers

    Leaving me alone and hurt

    I love you whether right or wrong

    And you ask me not to wear cologne

    I’m not out to hurt someone

    Not you, not her, not any one

    But I got heartaches of my own

    Why, I can’t even wear cologne

    Oh but I never meant for this to be

    It wasn’t in my heart to cheat

    Love has a nature all it’s own

    So I willingly gave up cologne

    And every time you come to me

    I realize I’m in too deep

    I know you love us both and I keep holding on

    You ask me not to wear cologne

    You say, “Don’t wear cologne”

    Oh now what am I ever gonna do

    Cause I am so in love with you

    I know you love us both

    But where do I belong

    You ask me not to wear cologne”

    • Evening star by Kenny Rogers-

    “If you never rode West of the Arizona border

    You can turn the other way boy but you never get far

    You be living a lie if you wanna see the wonders of the age

    You must follow the evening star.

    Evening star

    Shine a little Heaven

    On a stranger with no dream

    Where you are.

    You can see the loneliness I mean and if I gotta fight

    I can never play somebody else’s game

    I can follow the evening star

    Starlight, you never need somebody else’s name

    If you follow the evening star.

    Have you ever known a sunset when the sky’s on fire

    How you end another day boy you’ve been searching too far

    Like the desert I rode on any memory is lost in the restless wind

    I just lie beneath the evening star.”

    •  Mamma Mia by Abba-

    “I’ve been cheated by you since I don’t know when

    So I made up my mind, it must come to an end

    Look at me now, will I ever learn?

    I don’t know how but I suddenly lose control

    There’s a fire within my soul

    Just one look and I can hear a bell ring

    One more look and I forget everything, w-o-o-o-oh

    Mamma mia, here I go again

    My my, how can I resist you?

    Mamma mia, does it show again?

    My my, just how much I’ve missed you

    Yes, I’ve been brokenhearted

    Blue since the day we parted

    Why, why did I ever let you go?

    Mamma mia, now I really know,

    My my, I could never let you go.”

    • Some Broken Hearts Never Mend by Don Williams –

    “Coffee black, cigarettes,

    start this day, like all the rest,

    First thing every morning that I do,

    Is start missing you

    Some broken hearts never mend,

    Some memories never end,

    Some tears will never dry,

    My love for you will never die

    Rendezvous in the night,

    A willing woman to hold me tight,

    But in the middle of love’s embrace,

    I see your face”

    • This world is not our own by Jim Reeves –

    “This world is not my home

    I’m just a-passing through

    My treasures are laid up

    Somewhere beyond the blue.

    The angels beckon me

    From heaven’s open door

    And I can’t feel at home

    In this world anymore.

    Oh Lord, you know

    I have no friend like you

    If heaven’s not my home

    Then Lord what will I do.”

    • Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler –

    “It must have been cold there in my shadow,

    to never have sunlight on your face.

    You were content to let me shine, that’s your way.

    You always walked a step behind.

    So I was the one with all the glory,

    while you were the one with all the strength.

    A beautiful face without a name for so long.

    A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

    Did you ever know that you’re my hero,

    and everything I would like to be?

    I can fly higher than an eagle,

    ’cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

    It might have appeared to go unnoticed,

    but I’ve got it all here in my heart.

    I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.

    I would be nothing without you.”

    • when you say nothing at all by Ronan Keating 

    It’s amazing how you

    Can speak right to my heart.

    Without saying a word

    You can light up the dark.

    Try as I may, I could never explain

    What I hear when you don’t say a thing.

    The smile on your face

    Lets me know that you need me.

    There’s a truth in your eyes

    Saying you’ll never leave me.

    The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me wherever I fall.

    You say it best when you say nothing at all.

    All day long I can hear

    People talking out loud 

    But when you hold me near

    You drown out the crowd

    Try as they may, they can never define

    What’s been said between your heart and mine.


    “there is a hell, believe me, have seen it. There is a heaven, let’s keep it a secret.”

    She is not complete. She never pretended otherwise.

    She is made of half written stories, undone poems, half written articles, unread books, several what if’s, unsaid goodbye’s, unfinished projects and a bunch of undone’s, unsaid and incomplete.
    She is made of incomplete, don’t for minute think she could be complete when all she has ever known is incompletedness 
    She is incomplete and she wears it like a badge of not so much honour.

    What I Think Monogamy Is About 

    Disclaimer 1: This is my opinion and not the absolute truth but the truth as I see it. It’s what most people call opinion.
    Disclaimer 2: My truth was realized through personal experiences, stories i collected from friends and strangers. 

    The entire concept of Monogamous relationships is based on; one man one woman or one woman one woman or one man one man ratio. It’s believed that parties involved have romantic relations with their partners and only their partners. It’s frowned upon if anyone involved gets involved romantically with someone else. That’s what they call cheating. People in Monogamous relationships are expected to go through life with one person for life. Crazy,right? People are crazy. 


    Here is unedited opinion of what monogamy is about from a girl fro.a very small town and how she thinks it works:

    1.  If you don’t get caught then You didn’t do it. If you asked you can deny deny deny. You are allowed to do what may upset your partner as long as you don’t get caught.
    2. Cheating doesn’t necessarily involved an affair. Sometimes it’s watching”our show”  without your partner or going for an adventure you had planned together without them. Sometimes harmless flirting can be viewed as cheating. Having a minor attraction towards a stranger might be viewed as betrayal.Deleting personal emails and messages might cause suspicion. Just to mention a few forms of cheating. Sometimes it’s actually having an affair. Basically, it involves a lot of half truths. killing your truth so you don’t upset your partner and avoid conflict as much as possible.
    3. It’s about compromise. Like preparing both coffee and tea because your partner prefers tea with two spoons of sugar for breakfast and you can’t survive without your morning coffee. It’s about waking up for morning Glory when you would rather really sleep. Showing up with sweatpants and heels on your date night because you promised you will show up though you don’t feel like dressing up and it’s about them letting you because they understand that sometimes you feel not so human. It’s About”running for Mau marathon” because they scored free tickets and you can’t let them down because of the effort they input to get those tickets even though you would rather do TV  shows Marathon. 
    4. It is about pretending you like your anniversary gift. Even though you wish you could switch gifts and everyone to keep what they got the other.
    5. Staying on phone to have a conversation when one of you skips town and talk about stuff. Sometimes you have to set an alarm when you are in different time zones for that ten minutes phonecall. 
    6. Showering together not because it’s romantic or You have turned into some environment enthusiast where you both are saving water or something as cool but because no one likes showering in a used bathroom.
    7. It’s about sharing friends..ghaaa… That leaves a bad taste in my mouth though it happens. You get to hangout together so much that you start sharing friends. Which comes with a lot of;she said,he said scenarios mord often than you care to admit. you somehow find a way to work around that. When you break one of you will keep the friends,messy! I know.
    8. Sometimes your partner becomes the center of your world. They become your cheerleader. They play on your team. They play for keeps. They pick you up. They take care of you when you sick. Basically, they become your person and you even forget how your life used to be without them. 
    9. It’s about building a life together and planning a future together. Compromising and sacrificing even tailoring your dreams and plans to suit each other 
    10. It is about finding a way of respecting personal space. Being careful not to neglect their needs and not crowding them too much to suffocate them. It’s tough,i know. But a healthy relationship needs balance of energies .
    11. It’s about open communication. Communicating is key. Talking about stuff might help. I used to do bikini wax once I was home for holidays and I didn’t shave. When i got back I was panicking because i hadn’t taken care of my flower for a while. When we were at it he said he could feel my pubes. I was scared and insecure the entire time. The next day I shaved. Apparently he liked my pubes but I was so used to shaving. I would have saved my soul trouble of shaving with a simple communication. Dammit! 

    PS. My journey on understanding human relationships continue. You can email, comment or share. Tell me your thoughts. I like hearing from you.

    To The Girl Who Taught Me How To Love 

    I met her in high school. She came to my school when we were in form three. Noel, the girl who wore glasses, smiled all the time,hated math, loved music, wrote poems and the girl could sing.Not entirely in that order. I didn’t even know we would be friends because I already had friends.I had a clique of girls to study with,girls I did hangout with and people for gossip. I even had a book club or cult where we met to talk about books, characters and or authors. My social life was active then you came along and taught me otherwise.You taught me love. I don’t remember how we became friends. One minute you were That newcomer with glasses that smiled too much And hated math and the next we were friends. I introduced you to the ‘family’ and you kept your distance anyway. You didn’t really blend in and I respected that. So we did hangout rarely and before we knew it we became inseparable.

    To be honest, I have never been close with another human like I was close to you. I told you everything. I looked forward to hanging out together. when we fought I never fought to win or anything but I fought for our friendship. Two different women and one great friendship. I can honestly say we were great friends. I was never afraid as long as I had you by my side.

    Remember that time we were accused that we were lesbians. In retrospect, I finally understand why they thought that. We were inseparable. We ate,slept , showered, washed clothes and lived off each other pockets. We hated the same people. Shared private smiles in public. Had inside jokes. Had pet names for each other. We exchanged short notes during prep times. We were literally attached to the hip. I was famous, you were the new girl. How could they not get a good scandal from that? Maybe we should have admitted that we were just to see how far they would have gone with it. I mean, they already ruined our reputation. But we didn’t and that’s in the past. I wasn’t even ashamed apparently. I was pissed that they were raining on our parade. Good thing the rumour didn’t shake our friendship, we got closer more. Except we weren’t allowed to sleep together,it did affect the whole school.

    Before you I didn’t know how to give or receive love. I still have issues with receiving love but am getting better at it. You showed me how love is patient. How it’s boring and long. That it’s not flashy and smiles. That it involves boring days,sad moments, picking up someone when they are down, cleaning up after them even when they don’t see the mess. It’s being patient with their flaws and strengthening their strengths. It’s growth. It’s leaving a better person behind. It’s sharing material, spiritual and emotional support. It’s showing up when you expected and when you needed. It’s being there for them.

    I remember how you would get me gifts. It was always a surprise . You would have a shy smile on your face with words like,”It’s not much but I got you this and I think you will like it” I was always touched. TTY Thoughtful gifts I must point out from; beautiful diary books, to Notebooks, to well written poems and my favorite is the red bra you got me. It doesn’t fit me anymore but I still have it like a momento. Our friendship might not be active like it used to be but that bra represent something amazing that once happened to me a long time ago. Can you imagine it has been over ten years since we last met?

    You made me confident in my writing. I did prose, always. You were the poet, you even did your diary entries in poetry. I wonder, are you still a compulsive writer? You wrote on literally everything. Your hands always had ink. You even wrote on my hands because you just couldn’t help it. Everything about you did fascinate me. 
    You had a beautiful voice and you broke hearts with it. Every time you took the stage to do a poem or a song you did always melt hearts, mine included. Hahaha…i can’t believe you weren’t going to stay in my life forever. I thought I would always stretch my hand to reach you. If that wasn’t love in it’s purest I don’t know what is…….

    I don’t know what changed and why our friendship died a natural death. Maybe because we finally grew up and life got busy. I don’t know. Maybe because we walked our separate ways. or because we all grew fat. I didn’t know a friendship no matter how solid it couldn’t stand distance or the test of time.
    Despite everything else. You taught me how to love. You showed me that I didn’t need to be perfect or have my shit together. You showed me even hormonal teenagers were still loveable. That secrets ruin things. Fighting was allowed. That Love could move mountains. 
    I miss you.

    An Open Letter To The Generation That Raised Millennials 

    Everyone below 35 is somewhat a Millennial but 30somethings aren’t that affected. I will stick to talking for twenty somethings because I understand the full capacity for being misunderstood. I feel like Jack in the Titanic where the only thing keeping me afloat is a darn piece of wood. Barely surviving. I know what’s like to be a twenty something these days.
    First I want you to know that we are not lazy. We are probably depressed that’s why we sometimes sleep our life away. We hide in our rooms because we are not emotionally equipped to hangout with people all the time, some of us need time alone to get by. We like being left alone to sought out our emotions just in case you haven’t noticed we have so much to deal with.We are the Generation that was raised with house helps,cartoon and the internet. we are the Generation that our parents were too busy working they didn’t get to actually get to know us. we are the Generation that was raised with parents, broken homes, unavailable parents and excess homework. Then you wonder why we have so many issues. daddy’s issues, mommy’s issues, anxiety, depression, abandonment issues, bipolar, neurosis and other issues that only therapist can pronounce. Yes. We are fucked up.No ma’am I just can’t get over depression or anxiety. No ma’am I just can’t stop cross dressing I feel confident wearing ‘men clothes ‘ and I would rather do lipstick even though am a boy. I can’t get over by being in love with same gender and it’s not something you pray about. If you think we created all these issues for ourselves remember that you the people that Raised us. We literally inherited and or copied them from you. What does that say about your parenting skills if we are lazy with unending issues?
    Yes. We invented selfies and active social media life.But you the Generation that ruined the system. You ran down workers unions, inflated the economy, ruined pension, increased interest on students loan, made college extremely expensive and still managed to make policies that only suits you. I would rather sleep peacefully with our Instagram and selfies than lie in your bed of leaving  “terrible children for our earth and horrible earth for our children.” By terrible children I mean not full functioning humans because of unending mental health issues.

    Yes. We are broke. We still ask for rent or live at home because whatever you did to the economy to get rich is exactly what’s making us poor. For starters, the Constitution that you adopted…a small country like Kenya to have 47 counties,what were you thinking? How did you imagine you would pay salaries and allowances by the way? The wage bill that was suppose to make our lives a little bit liveable you tamed it in Parliament because it doesn’t work for you. Why did you run down workers union and replaced it with bloody sucking soul crashing pyramid schemes with the name of professional but boards to run the show? Oh and you did this through the act of Parliament, so now that’s law and we can’t do anything about it. We have our degrees, our diplomas, our Masters with no hope for employment. A single job gets an average of 50 applicants for one position.Yes,you think we should start our own business… with what capital when we have HELB on our necks and you get listed on CRB with an Mshwari loan of 200 ksh. Business premises have ridiculous Goodwill rates and high rent it will be a miracle to survive out there. How do you people sleep at night? Corruption on the rise. You take the saying man eat society literally. You honestly don’t care.

    No. We don’t think we are entitled. Your little survey on how we switch careers, write blog posts like this and constantly complain doesn’t hold any water. Look at the pot calling the kettle black. You the Generation that runs on titles. You want to be the who’s and who’s it doesn’t matter how many toes you stepped on. You steal everything just to make a name for yourselves. Public funds disappear, office funds disappear, employees privilege funds ran dry. You only care about how much you and your buddys get out of everything. You even have the guts to ask for sexual favors and or bribes for the limited jobs available and you call us selfish? What tinted glass are you people viewing the world from BTW? I would like to see what you see when you see us but from where we are standing….. we weep for you.Its pity. Again she asks…how do you sleep at night? If we have sugar babies all over it’s because you created an environment that supports that stop condemning us for your mistakes. 

    Listen to me. we want to get married, have a family someday and even kids. The reason why we not dating just having sex and moving on is because we can’t even afford dating. How will we afford a home and have kids? We can’t even pay for wedding, remember the couple that did a wedding worth 100 ksh? Yes. Those are Millennials and you were all over social media trying to save them. In case you didn’t notice,most of us are going through the same.The only way I can reach my significant other is through the phone and we can’t afford to see each more than once a year. No. We can’t move in together because we are poor. You think we haven’t explored our options and wondered what a time to fall in love. Yes. What a time? We want to have all those things because other than NB being Millennials we are basic human beings. We say we won’t have kids because we can’t afford and when we do I have a feeling it might be too late. It’s not a badge of honor to be broke. Unlike you, we want to give our children better lives and when we see our shortcomings will only fuck them up then the wise thing to do is not have them.
    We have a lot of cleaning up to do. Maybe we should start a revolution. Maybe we should publish blogs and get on with our lives and hope someday we will fix all the things you broke. Maybe we will actually do the right thing and save ourselves and our children. We might even save our planet from your sins and global warming. Yes, we will make our mistakes but I hope somehow it won’t be this bad to be a twenty something in future. I hope the transition of the world into a global village will produce positive results someday and things won’t be That bad for the next generation. For now we make do with what we have and hope to God we see another day.
    Funny thing as much as you screwed us we won’t revenge when you finally retire that’s if you ever now that you retire at 60 with a hefty pension and get hired again as experts or run for political posts and heaven knows what. As in you never really retire. Not for sure. I digress.

    Healing After Abortion

    I was raised by very amazing women. I was taught to think for myself and I ended up being a pro choice in almost everything. I even have a long list stashed somewhere labeled ‘SHIT MY MOM SAID’. She is pro life BTW. That didn’t stop her from teaching us to be pro choice. She never forced her religious beliefs on us either, I guess that’s what makes her a great mother. She never let anything get on the way of raising us to be better human beings Maybe that’s why we all turned out mostly alright with survival skills and shit. I feel like a letdown among her kids; being a cliché blogger with a basic degree is overly cliché but at least am pro choice.

     When my friends ask for my opinion on pregnancy crisis I always go all pro choice on them giving them perspective on pros and cons of swinging either side. Only once I made someone keep the baby, I literally begged her.Maybe  I just wanted to be an aunt and baby Milan not only saved his mother from going insane but he has been a huge blessing in our life. when he walked into our life he made me believe that babies are magical and I get lost in his brown innocent eyes. He has been our anchor and source of joy. I will seriously spoil him when mama bear is not looking. When he is old enough to walk and clean after himself , I’m seriously considering kidnapping him.  I like it when women take charge of what they want to do with their bodies. It’s okay if she aborts or carries the baby to term. It is okay to bleach. It’s okay to go for plastic surgery. It’s okay to have implants. Whatever her wardrobe choice suits her, I have no fuckin problem. I guess you see where am going. I do not care what the patriarch considers sin or inappropriate or wrong or right, if you are a woman do with your body whatever you feel works for you. 

    After abortion there are some things you will feel. First there is relief. Devour this feeling when you still can. It is totally okay to be relieved that you got rid of unwanted pregnancy. Then there will be sadness. Thereafter you have sadness and relief, that will leave you confused; you will wonder how the same thing that gave you relief makes you sad. Here you will spend sleepless nights awake and or even have nightmares. You might even sink into depression. Naturally, your brain will try to block it. It will automatically create a box to hide it and if you not careful, these walls will get too high even for you to scale. No one expects you to grief for an unborn you wanted to get rid of. Today I want you to grief. Weep for your unborn baby. You can write letters or talk to it when you alone or tell your best friend about it. Just grieve. Yes, I know we are supposed to suck it up and move on, after all we are the ones who asked for it. It is like losing a leg when we called for amputation,it still hurts.
     After phase one, phase two is all about sharing. Talk about it with someone other than your best friend. You could tell your online friends or your mother. Just learn how to talk about it, you will feel less alone. It is amazing how many women have gone through what you have and are willing to hold your hand without judgment. Just because you are talking about it doesn’t mean our journey ends here. When you think you have overcome it remember it’s just the beginning. There is a huge chance that the women you share with will not judge you, so it is only natural to judge yourself. This is a dangerous road, the only way out is through it. You will toy with suicide, you will consider getting pregnant again and you might start self-destruction. When you get there, it is time to reach out. Support groups and reading articles on aborthion survivors or even books will get you through it. Getting pregnant is band Aid material, DO NOT DO IT. Suicide is seductive but do not go through with it. Self-destruction, a road I know so well is good for nothing, do not walk this path
    Phase 3 is all about letting go. You have enjoyed relief. You survived sadness, confusion, grief, pain and most part of the turmoil that comes with abortion. It is time to let go and cleansing. It is time to take your life back. You need to renew your energy. I know a few techniques that can help you cope. Your womb needs cleansing too. Emotions need letting go. You need to feel alive again. 

    After the emotional turmoil, the next step is cleansing your womb. There are different ways you could do it. 

    • You can use traditional African healing arts. Visit a female herbalist and explain to her your problem. they always have herbs and teas for this kind of thing. She will encourage you to do a blood cleansing even. Trust her to take care of you. If you lucky to have a senge or lucky enough to know one, it is time to pay them a visit.
    • You can go Eastern way, Yoni massage is one of the most effective healing arts of the east end. In Kenya, I have seen several Yoni masseuse or those who understand tantric arts. Yoni massage is orgasmic and nothing deserves a good orgasm more than your womb. It has been through so much stress. Let the masseuse take care of the release. I would advise you pick a female masseuse. There is always a deeper understanding between us females. She should be able to create an environment where you feel safe. You should be able to let go of all negative emotions and self-loathing that may have plagued you for months. All negativity under the sun can be released by a good Yoni massage.
    • You could use western arts, sign up for therapy or counseling. Another safe environment to let go, release and renew your energy. Your therapist should be able to guide you to recovery. Sometimes therapy gets hard but it is worth it.
    • You could choose to drown your sorrows with vodka. You all know how things end here, though.