I Have Dream That Someday Our Love Won’t Feel Like A Dirty Little Secret

“I want to worship your skin, I want to pray between your knees. I’ll damn myself to have your hands all over me. God has no place here. Adam has no place here. Only you. Only us. My goddess. My Eve. I want your name in my mouth like a hymn. I’ll cover myself in you like its holy water. Us in the thrones, us in the skies, us in the garden with no sin. They’ll say our union is unholy, ungodly: they’ll call it blasphemous, I’ll call it sacred.”— Scarlette La Vaillante

I dream of a place where I can hold her hand in public and people won’t look at us like we are the devil incarnate. That one day I can stare at her perfect breasts in public without judgement. A place where we can lock our perfectly manicures nails in public and no one thinks it’s weird. A place where I can run into her arms and kiss her in public without being afraid of being victimized. A place where I can take her home and my parents will be excited to meet my lover. I dream of a place where our love is acceptable. I dream of a place where I can tell my friends about her and they welcome her to the family. A place where they don’t think our love is just a stage, and that we will start dating other people when we grow up. A place where she can be mine, and I can be hers for good. A place where we don’t have to change to fit in. 

I dream of a time where we can both walk down the aisle, get a blessing from a priest. Camera flashes while the congregation screams when the bride kisses the the bride. Laughter and happiness will sweep away our worries like a broom and celebrate our Union with friends and family. I already know my parents opinion on same sex love, I was raised in Africa for crying out loud. My parents would rather die than allow their daughter to marry a girl, leave love one. It’s the greatest of all sins, sodomy, the Bible helped label it. My love for her is tainted, they say. Like loving her is a disease that should be cured; with enough fear of the Lord and prayers and voilà, we turn heterosexual. My little brother is so glad he ain’t gay to the extent where he spews gay hate like jokes. But they do not see that when I kiss her its pure bliss. 

My president condemned our love, not once or twice but a couple of times. You should hear the politics he sold on national TV a few times. His words made my skin crawl. It’s like there is nothing more disgusting under the sun than same love. Killing people? That’s forgivable. Corruption? Order of the day. Violence? That’s even better….all cruelty humanity came up with including gay hate is way better than my love for her. Our love is not just illegal but unacceptable in so many levels. Even my president, hates it. 

I stopped going to church because no matter how many words I use to explain why I love a woman, my pastor wouldn’t let me or bless me. He quotes verses that were written long ago before love classified us. He kept saying I should pray, read the Bible and ask God to guide me. That it’s sin, so I should fight it. He prefers it his way, feast on his sheep or fornication but not gay love.

Society won’t let me love her. My parents won’t approve. My pastor hates it. My president is disgusted. The law condemns. The Bible too. But I love her. My god, I do love her. I love her lips, I love her fingertips, am also in love with her hips. All I have is a dream that someday our love won’t feel like a Dirty little secret. I will push for our rights not only in the day and the night but also in the light. I will air our plight and high we shall be heard and seen like a flight. We shall watch the sun in the horizon and give her a big hug so tight. We shall be seen from a distance like a kite.